There arent enough words to describe the emptiness and sadness I feel today. There arent enough tears to cry to release the pain. Two years without you Leon Brockmeier seems like an eternity. How could the perfect love story have these chapters in it? Why did God chose me to live this life? How could the most incredible human being that I have ever known be taken from me? I dont fully understand it and on most days the reality of it all doesnt even seen possible. There are moments when I truly feel that if I wish hard enough you will walk back in that door. It took me two weeks to fall in love with you when we first met. Within these two years Ive fallen deeper in love with you. Ive rediscovered all the little things I loved about you by missing you so much. Though some days have gotten easier than others, some days are even tougher. I miss the way you made me laugh from the deepest part of my gut. I miss hearing your impressions that were so so good. I miss you singing in the car not knowing a single correct word. I miss hearing you play super heroes with the boys or roar like a dinosaur as you chased them up the stairs. I miss your scrambled eggs for breakfast. I miss you falling asleep to massaging my head every night. I miss the random phone calls during the day to just tell me you loved me. I miss the late night talks about our future plans and dreams. I miss high kicks at weddings, the bromance with Sean Savoy, way you would annoy Matt Michael when you hit the limit. I even miss the way you couldnt remember things I told you because you had too many concussions. I miss every single thing about you. This life aint easy without you Puntin. I mourn the life we had and in some ways I mourn the life we didnt have even more. Last night as I couldnt sleep I read to myself what I read out loud to everyone who came to your celebration of life. The words were so raw- like I read them yesterday. I read that day that I would not allow myself to surrender to the pain of what your death has given me. That I would rise above the darkness and do something to keep your light shining and continue your legacy through living my life the way you did- with integrity, honesty, love, compassion and living each day to its absolutely fullest. For if I didnt do this- I wouldnt be following Gods plan. Within these past two years I have tried to create a way of life that will make you proud and deliver what God has asked of me. Im humbled when people reach out and tell me how much I have helped them. I wonder if they realize how much they have helped me. This life I live now isnt about me and what this does for me though. This life I Iive now- I dont want it to be about the sadness I have and will always have. I want this life to be about hope. That even in our darkest moments there is hope. That as human beings we have a job to do on earth. That job is serve God and to serve those who need us. You have taught me this. You have taught me that life is greater than ourselves, that each day is a gift and we have the ability to change the world. So I live, I live my dash for you and our children- just the way you did. I love you Leon, like no one Ive loved before or will love again. Until we are together again- I will miss you. Thank you for being my light and continuing to hold our hands. Thank you for giving me strength to be a mom to our boys and a friend to all who need one. To the moon and back- I love you Though our time together was cut way too short, Id do it all over again. If I knew I would have to feel this pain to experience this love- I would do it a million times over.
Posted on: Mon, 22 Sep 2014 14:20:00 +0000
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