There is a stretch of Britains motorway I affectionately call The Vagina. If you look at a map of the south west of Birmingham and see where the M42 goes south bound and dog legs to the right at junction 3a and at the same time biffs off to the left as the start if the M40. Well turn your map upside down and it looks just like the old diagrams of a vagina we used to get in our biology text books. Well it was here today I experienced a little road rage. I had just been to Redditch (not something Id recommend to anyone) and was slipping, sperm like, along the right hand fallopian tube (in the wrong direction if I was heading for the egg but the right direction if I was to be classed as discharge) so there I was about to discharge myself towards home when a huge truck barred my entrance to the north bound M42. Now this might shock most of you because I see this rule ignored thousands of times a week, but when you enter a motorway from a slip road, those broken white lines you cross over to get on to the motorway are a give way symbol. So its down to you as the newest motorway entrant to give way to the people already using it. Its common courtesy for the truck to pull into the middle lane to allow you to pull out, but if like tonight the middle lane is busy, you should allow the truck to carry on and join in behind him. And this is what I did. I slowed to allow the truck to carry on unmolested. And here is where I made my error, apparently. You see behind me was a genital-less knuckle dragger in a BMW who, unhappy with travelling under his own power had been making several attempts to gain access to the back of my van and travel under my power. And my slowing to allow the truck to pass was retrograde to his wishes. A few short miles up the road, where the traffic bunches up near the NEC on the M42, as it always does at this time of night, he told me so. He drew along side and in an awful thick Brummy drawl said that I was parentless and i was a slang word for a vagina that was in the act of procreation. He said I was dashed foolish for slowing down because contrary to what I thought, he didnt actually want to get into the back of my van. So I did to him the most infuriating thing I could think of. I pointed and laughed at him. Well you should have seen his face. His top blew. He went bananas. But at that point the traffic moved on and after a couple of middle fingers aimed at me as he sped off, I left him to assault his steering wheel in private. Cheered me up no end, that has.
Posted on: Tue, 01 Apr 2014 17:43:04 +0000
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