There is an article making its way around The Internets entitled Marriage Isnt For You. Its getting all kind of praise for the authors well-meaning reflection that marriage is all about the other person, and to be married you should be selfless. Fine, thats nice and great in principle, but I actually dont think it is entirely right. Especially not for a marriage. Selfishness and altruism is a false dichotomy, and there is far more nuance involved if any relationship is to survive. Altruism is simple unsustainable long-term. So is narcissism. Successful partnerships depend on *both* selflessness and self-interest whereby both parties are willing to give selflessly, but in return both parties benefit. To enter a marriage (or any partnership) for the happiness of the other, or for a myriad of other selfless reasons as the author suggests, is the basis for rendering oneself a martyr. Without self-interest/self-preservation, neglect and abuse can run rampant. There must be a balance between self-interest and altruism. Marriage isnt all about you, but it isnt all about your spouse either. Marriage is a partnership committed to each other, themselves and also the relationship. And when you start to look at it that way those seemingly mutually exclusive ideas of self-interest and altruism actually work quite harmoniously.
Posted on: Mon, 04 Nov 2013 13:40:38 +0000
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