Theres been so much on my mind as of late. I miss my girls with a fierceness when they arent around and when they are, I cant get enough one on one time with each of them. Sometimes, I feel like I am losing them; like 48 hours, every other week is wearing down the bonds that i have tried so hard to forge. I look around and see kids with their moms and dads and get so jealous because I dont get to see mine enough. Phone calls and texts in between keep me up to date, but can never replace a hug, a kiss, a smile, a giggle or a snuggle. I didnt ask for this. I fought to keep my family together. I fought with everything I had. I hate seeing the tears in their eyes every time they have to go back home. I feel like Ive failed them all over again each time. Add to that the stress of everyday life...just trying to survive...and sometimes its just too much for me to bear. Ive been to hell and back these last three years...and Im fighting everyday to step further away from the man I used to be. There have been two people in my life that have been there for me through it all...who have loved me through the highs and the lows. I am forever in your debt. Admittedly, my faith has been shaken...no...downright rattled at times. There are mornings that I just dont want to get out of bed. I mean, how on earth can I face this again? Why would God let this happen? I thought He was supposed to love me...... Its on those mornings especially that I remind myself that He didnt promise a smooth ride, just that He would get there. I am reminded of Romans 8:28 which promises that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. And of 1 Peter 5:10 - And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. And of Christs promise that he would never leave or forsake me. I recently had a horrible encounter with a self-proclaimed atheist over a comment I posted on a Christian blog asking for prayer because I was fighting off depression. This person purposefully was commenting negative and hateful remarks on EVERY single prayer request. Our encounter led them to spew so much venom and vile towards me...a person they had never met...simply because I believed differently than they did. You may not believe in my God...or any god for that matter. I wont belittle you as I would expect you not to belittle me for my faith. We all have the right to choose either way. The thing is...I have seen His work in my life in every aspect - tangibly and intangibly. There was a change in my heart when I decided to believe. I am a new man...not a perfect one. I am a work in progress. So, yeah...I think Im allowed to have a bad day every now and then...as long as I keep pressing toward the goal. Yeah? Love you... Mac
Posted on: Sun, 05 Oct 2014 07:09:51 +0000
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