Thirteen years ago today, I watched the unspeakable horrors unfold from my office at work. I remember my co-workers gathering in the owners office, watching the television as first one building, then the other, fell. I couldnt watch with them. I was five months pregnant with Nicky at the time, and I couldnt inflict the absolute anguish that I felt on such innocent a soul. To this day, I cant think about the events very much. I know that might make me a coward... I know that. I just cant wrap my head around such hatred and loss. Nine days after the attacks, my cousin Gina Deyo Crudele sent me the following. I have, obviously, kept it all these years. It brings me a little peace when I have to face the fact that peace may never exist. WHERE WAS GOD? I know youre mad at Me right now. Thats all right People have been mad at Me before and will be again. Being mad is part of being human. My Son got mad, too. Its alright to be mad sometimes at injustice, for example, or the lack of charity. You probably think I am unjust and uncharitable when an airplane goes down like that. All those people lost. The children gone. It doesnt seem right; it cant be loving. You ask, Where was God? Why did He allow that to happen? I allow it to happen because I allow you freedom. I could have left you on a string and made you dance all day without getting tired. I could have moved your mouth for you and made you sing all night without growing hoarse. I could have pulled a wire that would have let you soar skyward and never fall. I could have, but I didnt because I love you so much. I want you to be free to decide when to dance and sing. Free to determine when you will come to Me in faith and hope. Because you are free, some of you choose not to dance or sing. Some of you select hatred over love, revenge over forgiveness, bombs over a helping hand. As you choose, I watch. I do not disappear. I listen to both the songs and the bombs. AND I REMEMBER. Where was God? you wonder...I was there. I whispered in the ear of little girl, Dont be afraid, I am with you. I held the hand of a business woman as tightly as she clutched mine. I cradled a pilot against my shoulder as if he were a baby again. Amid the paralyzing fear, I was there, as I was there with my Son in the garden. Amid the unbearable pain, I was there, as I was with Him as He was whipped. Amid the terrible realization that His life was ending too soon, I was there, with Him as He hung on the cross and asked, like you, My God, why have you forsaken Me? I had not forsaken Him. I did not forsake them. I was there as they fell, and as they rose to eternal joy. I listened to their anger, answered their questions and showed them why they had been created. Not to end that way, but to live with Me forever. In an instant, they came into existence. As you did. In an instant, they left this world. As you will. But beyond that last instant, I kept my promise...A little girl dances, a business woman sings, and a pilot keeps his wings forever.
Posted on: Thu, 11 Sep 2014 12:43:16 +0000
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