This fascinating article on how girls and boys confront new and challenging material differently is one that many parents of Mighty Girls have found helpful in thinking about the praise and feedback we give to children. As psychologist Heidi Grant Halvorson writes in Psychology Today, [In] my experience, smart and talented women rarely realize that one of the toughest hurdles theyll have to overcome to be successful lies within. We judge our own abilities not only more harshly, but fundamentally differently, than men do. Understanding why we do it is the first step to righting a terrible wrong. And to do that, we need to take a step back in time. Halvorson is referring to a series of studies from the 1980s that, while a bit dated, she maintains, still hold relevance today. Psychologist Carol Dweck found that bright girls, when given something to learn that was particularly foreign or complex, were quick to give up - and the higher the girls IQ, the more likely they were to throw in the towel. Essentially, bright girls were much quicker to doubt their ability, to lose confidence, and to become less effective learners as a result. Researchers determined that bright girls believe that their abilities are innate and unchangeable, while bright boys believe that they can develop ability through effort and practice. The speculation is that these different attitudes develop due to the kinds of feedback children receive from parents and teachers. Girls, who develop self-control earlier and are better able to follow instructions, are often praised for their goodness. When we do well in school, we are told that we are so smart, so clever, or such a good student. This kind of praise implies that traits like smartness, cleverness, and goodness are qualities you either have or you dont - thus, contributing to the belief that their abilities are unchangeable. Halvorson asserts that these tendencies often carry on throughout life, We continue to carry these beliefs, often unconsciously, around with us throughout our lives. And because bright girls are particularly likely to see their abilities as innate and unchangeable, they grow up to be women who are far too hard on themselves - women who will prematurely conclude that they dont have what it takes to succeed in a particular arena, and give up way too soon. Ultimately, she suggests that its time to change this engrained idea that such abilities are innate and unchangeable: No matter the ability - whether its intelligence, creativity, self-control, charm, or athleticism - studies show them to be profoundly malleable. When it comes to mastering any skill, your experience, effort, and persistence matter a lot. So if you were a Bright Girl, its time to toss out your (mistaken) belief about how ability works, embrace the fact that you can always improve, and reclaim the confidence to tackle any challenge that you lost so long ago. And, of course, its time to encourage todays girls to toss out this same mistaken belief as well and have confidence in their own abilities. Have you seen this tendency in your life or with your daughter? How have your tried to encourage your Mighty Girl to persevere in the face of difficult challenges? For two parenting books that address building resiliency in girls, check out The Myth of the Perfect Girl: Helping Our Daughters Find Authentic Success and Happiness in School and Life (amightygirl/the-myth-of-the-perfect-girl) and Stressed-Out Girls: Helping Them Thrive in the Age of Pressure (amightygirl/stressed-out-girls). In our blog post on Mighty Girls in Middle School, High School, and Beyond, we recommended numerous books for both girls and their parents focused on fostering greater confidence in their abilities and the resiliency to overcome challenges they encounter at amightygirl/blog/?p=4352 For many stories for both children and teens about girls and women persevering even in the face of adversity, visit our Resiliency section amightygirl/books/personal-development/values?cat=220
Posted on: Tue, 14 Jan 2014 20:19:55 +0000
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