This idea of monogamy vs poly has my attention.And all the stuff we put around it. This is what I think. All the words really are meaningless except to generally define a form. People create their own containers and boundaries. In my life, I am not in an open marriage. But I have relationships that may look Poly to people outside of my own relationship agreements in my marriage. I do not have Vanilla relationships outside my marriage. In my agreement, I only explore D/s outside my marriage. I tend towards intimate long term D/s relationships and I am never any ones primary partner. I have a husband. But that doesnt mean that I dont love, desire, care deeply and have all kinds of feelings like devotion to the person that I am in a D/s relationship with. My heart is big enough. But I have no plans to move in, take over, and change my Doms primary living arrangements. I care about his life partner happiness and safety. And I have no intentions of creating instability for that partnership. What I notice is that by having the freedom to engage with partners outside of my marriage in D/s that I am happier in my marriage and in my life. I think that Poly is complicated. I think that people get jealous and feel envy. To deny that is simply crazy. I see it and I have felt it. For people to proclaim that one life style is better than another is also nuts. Relationship is challenging for everyone. And we can put out the face we want on facebook or at family dinners but relationship is a work in progress. This is what I have learned for myself after being married for 33 years this summer and with the same primary partner since I am 17. No one can give you everything. Ever. To expect that is a recipe for divorce. Hiding relationships dont work. It is done out of fear. When you play with hiding relationships or desires with your primary partner or any relationship they will still feel the truth. And if you insist that they are not wrong you are engaging in gas lighting and it is very destructive. So..how do you figure it out? How do you bring the air the fire and the earth into your relationships? How do you do it? It take courage to experiment with form and huge trust. Still working on it. Any thoughts?
Posted on: Tue, 05 Aug 2014 13:21:13 +0000
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