This is a bit of a novel but I find writing my thoughts, ideas and learnings down therapeutic. I like to share it with my world because I believe in the power of sharing honestly and my hope, as always is to create connection and growth. New Years morning my family said goodbye to my nana Marjorie Mildred Sorensen. And while it was hardly unexpected it’s still hard to say goodbye those you love so much. She passed away peaceful at her home near Goldstream, Victoria, BC Marj was born May 23rd 1927 in Herbert Saskatchewan and raised in Manitou, a small farming town in the South West of Manitoba. Growing up she loved sports and fell in love with baseball, a sport her father introduced to her. She fondly spoke of the trips they’d take into the city to watch the games. On June 2nd, 1951 she married her husband and had 2 daughters. They travelled extensively spending some time in Tennessee, California and finally settling on Vancouver Island, BC. Marj was a gentle woman with a huge presence. She was a wonderful mother, grandmother, great-grandmother and a great friend to those lucky enough to have her in their life. She was active in different bridge clubs and enjoyed curling and until her mobility became difficult, Marj played golf, her first passion, regularly and thoroughly enjoyed her time on the course. She taught all her grand-children how to swing a club and taught me many life lessons on the course. My nana was a woman of grace and faith. She dealt with all situations with determination and love. She loved watching golf, curling and of course baseball on television and spent many years volunteering with her husband of 63 years, at the Victoria Jazz Festival. Her mind remained sharp and she was keenly interested in how all her family was growing with regular phone calls. Family was everything. Our journey through grief is unique to each of us and so we need to learn to honor that journey just I try and honor my Nana here. Losses such as these, where we are recognizing the loss of a loved one is such a great opportunity to re-connect and re-discover each other and the people we’ve lost. I think that one of the great tragedies of modern day is that we live in a pain avoidant society where we’ve been taught to try and hide our feelings and I don’t know of anything that is more painful and more emotionally charged then the loss of those we love. Rumi has this to say about navigating the emotional landscape of life. THE GUEST HOUSE This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor. Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they are a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight. The dark thought, the shame, the malice. Meet them at the door laughing and invite them in. Be grateful for whatever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond. ~Rumi Death is an end that is the beginning of many things. Death begins the philosophical conversations, posing questions that require a response from the living. Death inspires ceremony and ritual and the celebration of life. “Death,” as the Irish say, “Is the middle of a long life.” Death is in the middle; meaning it is central to life and therefor needs to be honored. I can picture Nana now sitting with her siblings, in the great “elsewhere” probably telling them how “annoyed” she is that I would make any fuss over her. That’s what she would say if she was unhappy about something, which didn’t happen that much. She would tell you she was “annoyed” at you. She was a fiercely independence woman and reveled in the simple things that life had to offer. So through this journey I become awake to the presence of death yet again. Perhaps that’s why they call some end of life celebrations “a-Wake”. I was doing some work with a group of youth here in Vancouver a few years back and we created this video conferencing “pen pal” program where once a month we got together with a group a teens from Kenya. We would ask each other questions about what it was like to live where each other lived. One of the subjects was death. How do to celebrate or let go of those you’ve lost. I was struck by what one of the Kenyan teens shared. He told us that where he is from if someone dies it’s customary for all the surrounding villages to gather in community or common unity, bringing food. And as they gathered they would create a huge circle around the grieving family and wait until the family cried. Once the family cried a huge celebration would ensue for 3 days with everyone sharing stories the good and the bad so that the deceased to could be fully known. What I like to believe they are acknowledging in the ceremony and what I would like to offer all those who are moving through grief and loss, is that “Tears are the washing away of sorrow. It actually cleanses us and makes room for something new.” The Dagara people of West Africa say that; “When we cry from death we are allowing the ones we lost to see life through our eyes, which is why Death is a reminder of life.” I quite like that idea. Death is a reminder of life and the job of the living is to go on living and to live a more full life because of those we lost. So lets give ourselves permission to feel our sadness, to feel our hurt and loss. Acknowledge our grievances and share our struggles with those around us. Come together as a family and a community in common unity and put your arms around each other in support and celebration. I share my story and celebrate life and will live more fully because of my nana, Marjorie Mildred Sorensen There’s an African proverb: “When death finds you, may it find you alive.” Alive means living your own damn life, not the life that your parents wanted, or the life some cultural group or political party wanted, but the life that your own soul wants to live. I will miss our weekly phone calls and feel so deeply blessed to have been taught what love truly looks like. I will forever hear your voice saying; “God is Good and Think Happy Thoughts” Thank you Nana for that gift. Peace my heart… Peace, my heart, let the time for the parting be sweet.Let it not be a death but completeness.Let love melt into memory and pain into songs.Let the flight through the sky end in the folding of the wings over the nest.Let the last touch of your hands be gentle like the flower of the night.Stand still, O Beautiful End, for a moment, and say your last words in silence.I bow to you and hold up my lamp to light you on your way. ~ Rabindranath Tagore
Posted on: Sat, 03 Jan 2015 20:17:33 +0000
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