This is for my Fiddler On The Roof castmates who are also Star Trek fans. The first parody song from Trekker On The Roof, If I Were The Captain. Oh, dear Lord. You made many, many guys in red. I realize of course, that its no shame to be a guy in red. But its no great honor, either. So, what would be so terrible, if I had a gold shirt and a few more stripes on my sleeve? If I were the captain, yabba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dum, I would set my phaser on stun, if I were a starship captain. Id be looking for my cue card, yabba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dum. If I were a Constitution Class, Federation Starship captain. Id build a big tall ship with decks by the dozen right in the middle of spacedock. A neutronium roof with rodinium floors below. There would be one long turbo lift just going up, and one even longer coming down. And one more leading nowhere, just for the show. Id fill my bridge with Spock, McCoy and Uhura, dont forget Chekov, Sulu and Scott, squawking just as noisily as they can. And each loud yes captain, aye sir and hes dead, Jim would land like a trumpet on the ear, as if to say here is a man in command...ah. If I were the captain, yabba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dum, I would set my phaser on stun, if I were a starship captain. Id be looking for my cue card, yabba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dum. If I were a Constitution Class, Federation Starship Captain. I see a blonde named Janice looking like a captains yeoman, who cares about a double chin? Supervising log entries to her hearts delight. I see her putting on airs and strutting like a peacock, Oy! What a happy mood Im in! Screaming at her tricorder day and night. The most important tv execs would come to fawn on me. They would ask me to advise them, like Surak the Wise. If you please James Tevye (thats what the T stands for), pardon me James Tevye. Posing problems that would cross a Vulcans eyes! Yadda di da da, yadda da da, yadda da da! And it wont make one bit of difference if Bones says Im right or that Im wrong. When youre the captain, they think you really know. If I were in charge, Id have the time that I lack to learn my lines in the screenplay. And maybe have the center seat on the bridge. And Id discuss the weekly scripts with the learned Gene, seven close ups every day! And that would be the sweetest thing of all...aye! If I were the captain, yabba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dum. I would set my phaser on stun, if I were a starship captain. Id be looking for my cue card, yabba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dum. Lord, who created Irwin Allen, you decreed like Popeye, I am what I am! Would it spoil some vast, galactic plan?! If I were the Enterprise Captain!
Posted on: Thu, 24 Oct 2013 14:56:06 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015