This is kinda gonna be a long one. Earlier this week, you all responded to my request to give some emotional support to a young man Ive met online. He seems like a great guy, and Im sure hell be a valuable member to the Tribe. Again, I thank you for that. You were very kind and open and helpful, and I love you for it. Unfortunately, some people ask for the wrong kind of help. People want to connect with other people. Loneliness has destroyed more hearts and minds than I care to think of. And some of those destroyed minds and hearts, having come to the conclusion that dammit theyre entitled to some happiness, decide to take it... or take it away. 22-year-old Elliot Rodger wanted love. From the sound of things, all he knew about it was physical affection, and that only by his lack thereof. So he tried to learn how to pick up girls. He joined Mens Rights Associations, which seem to be basically dedicated to boosting each others egos and assuring one another that they had a right to get laid. And, when that didnt work, he videod a manifesto, slapped it up on YouTube, and then went and got some guns. The transcript of his video is filled with expectations unfulfilled. And that, truly, is the problem. Nobody should EXPECT anything of someone else. Not without giving in return. And not without their agreement and permission. This young man turned a desire to feel loved, or at least wanted, into virulent, red-eyed hate. And then he shot seventeen people, killing six of them. I cant help but feel sorry for him. As I said above, he asked the wrong people for help. And none of them told him two of the simple truths of life, truths which took me far too many years to learn: 1) This Too Shall Pass. The people I was at seventeen, twenty-two, twenty-six, twenty-nine, thirty-three, thirty-seven, forty-two, etc., have as many differences from who I am now as they have similarities. And things which seemed catastrophic at those ages are now, mostly, simply events that changed me one way or the other, steering me toward who I am today. 2) The young feel VERY INTENSELY. Emotions, situations, relationships, interactions, are bright, sharp, and fraught with delight and peril. We never truly cease learning, but we learn much more and at a much faster pace when were young, and some people have more trouble assimilating that data into useful lessons than others. FSM knows I was like that -- still am, kinda. I guess the upshot of all this -- and to my thanks for your help with Adam -- is to remember that people, all people, feel. Because they feel, sometimes they will hurt. How they hurt leads to how they handle their hurt. And how they handle their hurt can help them to grow... or to fester. And, in the worst and most extreme reactions, they can hurt others. Dont do that, if you can help it. Be aware of what youre doing, be aware of others potential reactions, and mostly be aware that other people cannot tell what youre thinking or feeling -- they can only go by what you present to them. And if that scares them, if that hurts them... you are doing it wrong.
Posted on: Sun, 25 May 2014 00:35:31 +0000
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