This is so true in my life right now used to be one or I should say still is one of my favorite songs but now I feel everything this song is about and hurts everytime I hear it . Im torn up beyond belief granted I was not perfect but at least I tried and never gave up on my wife but I was giving up on with a lie and a comment. Im going to the store I cant take being sober anymore Ill be back was the last thing I heard from her and its killing me all my music hurts once again and I love music never again will I trust hollie.. You can only take getting beaten physically before you actually fight back and I think that was a con to leave and the accusations of me cheating I think was Akon to make hollie feel better about cheating now all my pain my pain that was too much has turned to anger that is too much now I have to use the pain to keep me balanced. Balancing between pain and anger is very painful and tiring I need to do something else that doesnt remind me anything of my last 11 years with her. But anywhere I go shes all I see just a fading blank reminder of what I used to be quote Nine Inch Nails . Everywhere I go I hear music playing and 95 percent of it tears me up enough that I leave the store or restaurant of where Im at because I cannot stomach The Audacity of the ridiculous needless stabbed in the back thats killing me still. Today was a horrible day as for frustration and anger yesterday was mainly just pain and sobbing. I need my friends right now I really need my friends right now. And I appreciate everybody that is had good things to say to me believe me it has made a world of difference on my end and I will appreciate it till the day I die. The next song that hurts me more than anything or two songs by Blue October hate me today and into the ocean two more of my favorite songs that I cant listen to . Just having a hard time this evening like I said evenings and mornings are the worst when everything settles down and he stabbed in the back and loneliness and scar tissue from 4 years ago starts really hurting. Thanks thanks everyone I really do appreciate the comfort from this morning on my initial status report of this situation. Right now Im sitting on my roof watching jumbo jets fly over towards Dallas and remember the time I used to do that with my best friend my wife my buddy that left because life became too stressful and broke our wedding vows and ran off with someone else and now calls me a coward but cannot face me or answer a email or a text. Or even come see our children on visitation like last weekend because somebody feel so bad about the pain and the way they treated me that they cant bear to face me but calls me a coward does anybody have any comments on that whos cowardly now I love her to death but never again will this happen to me from her Im totally done with my 11 year relationship. Granted there was lots of pain and lots of stress but I never gave up on her I always try to work out problems but I was always the ass or bastard and was told that she hates me I dont know how many times but you can only take so many things being broken in your house being hit so many times having things thrown at you so many times and I warned sooner or later Im going to hit you back and thats what I did finally. Now shes using that to leave me I think for the reason of she had messed up again and wanted to have an excuse to leave and a poor sob story for the new boyfriend to take her in with and I have fought for her thought more than she will ever know for her on the good things about her. But Im always the one that gets told Im hated lazy cant do anything stick up to my parents . This is the hardest place Ive ever been in my life granted I do have some callus from the last scars 4 years ago from when she ran off and did the same thing again and I stomach so much pain and finally 4 years later getting back to where I can actually listen to music again within just the last few months and now all my music hurts again and I cant even go there for comfort . Ill quit rattling on but thank you everyone for the support.
Posted on: Thu, 09 Oct 2014 01:08:52 +0000
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