This is the Fifth and last part of a 5 part Series entitled THE SHADOW OF PATRIARCHY IN THE AFRICAN AMERICAN FAMILY AND COMMUNITY. To Be or Not to Be Functional Men and women have issues that they bring to their marriages because they have never individuated in their family of origin. When a couple or a family comes to therapy usually the husband or wife recognizes the same kind of dysfunction in their family of origin. If their family of origin was dysfunctional and they never did the soul work to individuate themselves into a more functional role, they will have to do that work in their marriage, or their marriage will become and remain dysfunctional until they do. Individuation is the process of transformation whereby the personal and collective unconscious are brought into consciousness and is assimilated into the whole personality. The individuation of a marriage partner or a family member contributes to the holistic growth of that person and also to the practice and actuality of loving relationships. This growth of the soul facilitates the growth of the marriage partner and other family members. There are a few issues that cause African-American marriages and families to become dysfunctional. One of these issues is the misconception of tradition. Many times African-American marriage partners tend to look at the tradition of the majority culture instead of closely looking at the tradition of their own families of origin. I have counseled one such couple Mr. and Mrs. G who came to me with a presenting problem that I labeled role dysfunction. Mr. and Mrs. G are the pastor and wife of a large congregation. Mr. G felt that Mrs. G should no longer have to work and would be a stay-at-home wife and mother. However Mrs. G giving up her job and staying at home caused a reduction in the familys income which caused her to reevaluate whether or not she should have done so. Mr. and Mrs. G brought to their marriage a traditional patriarchal view of the roles that they should play without first examining where this worldview came from. If they wouldve examined their worldview they wouldve found that it did not come from their families of origin, rather it came from the worldview that they saw on television, read in magazines and in novels, a worldview that was not conducive to them living successfully in the majority culture’s reality. In order for African-Americans to live successfully in their marriages and as family units there is a need to move beyond the traditional patriarchal ideal of the majority culture. Racism and economic factors play a large role in the survival and well-being of the African American family. Many African-Americans desire the material success that is presented to them by corporate America in the media, but when it comes to paying the price with their wives and children they realize that the American dream for them has become the “American nightmare.” In most successful African American families an egalitarian perspective is needed. That is a perspective that is based on the principle that husband and wife contribute equally in the economic, spiritual, educational and vocational vision of the marriage and family. The pastoral or marriage family counselor who works with any particular culture of people must understand the worldview of that culture. This is particularly true when it comes to working with African-American marriages and families. The pastor or counselor can then assess whether or not a particular worldview works. Theyre able then to walk alongside of the family and help move them from dysfunction to functionality one step at a time. Let us as African American Christians learn to make sure that our beliefs are biblically founded and not just based on the traditions of men who have twisted the scriptures in order to oppress and justify their bigotry. Yeshuas Blessings Phillip A. Lewis
Posted on: Tue, 18 Nov 2014 16:33:59 +0000
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