This is to share another formula from Dave Elliott- international relationship coach I follow. I love the way he incorporates NLP into his work. Enjoy: When It Comes To Great Relationships, Success Leaves C.L.U.E.S.™ For anyone who has ever gone through a breakup or struggled in a relationship, it can seem like success is incredibly elusive. While it’s true that there are many paths to the top of the proverbial mountain, it’s also equally true that the most direct route is by following in the footsteps of those who have successfully gone before you. This is the essence of “modeling” the behavior of someone else who has or has done what you want; if you follow what they’ve already done, the theory is you can avoid some of the mistakes and pitfalls and achieve your goal with less trial and error. Modeling A Master In The Art Of Relationship The first key to success in modeling is to find a master in the area of success you seek. As a relationship expert and coach, I’ve been studying the best of the best in this field for approaching 2 decades. In order to serve you, I’ve researched not just one master, but multiple masters and I’ve isolated the top five traits that you can develop in order to also follow in the footsteps of those who have created legendary relationships that stand the test of time. Then, in an attempt to make that information even more memorable – and actionable – I’ve created a simple acronym for success in the key word C.L.U.E.S.™. But First...One Important Distinction So many people who struggle in love tend to make the same mistake over and over again in their quest for love. They focus almost exclusively on what they want in a partner as if some magical “Law of Attraction” thinking will make the difference. The truth is, manifesting true love is less about who you attract and far more about WHO YOU BECOME in the process. In other words, if you want to experience the feeling of having a true love, you need to DO what true love does. It’s all about action. Communication Is The First Of The C.L.U.E.S.™ Mastering the art of communication is the first key attribute or trait that you will need to develop. While it is critically important to do the inner work and the self inquiry to know what you want and need, if you can’t communicate that information effectively to your partner, it’s worthless. If you can’t communicate in the form of a request, rather than a demand or a complaint, it’s unlikely you will receive what you want. Plus if you can’t highlight the benefits and mitigate the challenges as you craft a win/win scenario, you will likely be disappointed. The bottom line is that the words you use are only 7% of your communication – while the other 93% of your effectiveness is predicated on your ability to master the tonality of HOW you say it and WHAT your body language ‘says’ when delivering the message. This is the foundation of effective partnership so remember you will never build ANYTHING that will withstand the effects of time on a weak foundation. Love Is The Second Of The C.L.U.E.S.™ While it may seem obvious, no formula for long-lasting and legendary partnership would be complete without love. Now I’m not talking about the kind of emotional high that comes from chemical attraction. I’m talking about the kind of unconditional and ever-lasting love that finds a way to love no matter what – regardless of what you may feel you’re getting in return, in the moment. This requires a wholly different level of commitment and a compelling reason WHY you MUST love that is tied to your very identity. That’s because the strongest force in the human personality is the need to stay in alignment with WHO YOU BELIEVE YOU ARE at the deepest level. Simply put, if you don’t believe you were put here on this earth to develop your ability to love no matter what...then you probably won’t... Understanding Is The Third Of The C.L.U.E.S.™ In any relationship, there are going to be times when both partner’s “stuff” is revealed...sometimes, when you least expect it. All human beings have their own version of it; maybe it’s their limiting beliefs, their lack of self worth, fears of loss, a wound from the past, or even a need for certainty. Whatever the root, you can expect that the simple act of even BEING in a relationship will trigger those issues. For some people, that is their greatest fear – and a signal to run. My belief is that’s what relationships are for; to bring out those “rough spots” which need to be healed on your journey. Think of it this way: you would never discover those issues unless they brushed up against another and were revealed. The key to freedom is to embrace those rough spots with compassion when they come up and allow them to be healed. Empathy Is The Fourth Of The C.L.U.E.S.™ The definition of empathy is the ability to understand how another party may feel or “get out of you, and into them.” Coincidentally, if you can combine empathy WITH the prior trait in the formula, understanding, you will have the potential to pretty much heal any wound or mitigate and heal any fear. In any event, it’s a powerful combination of gifts and a total game-changer when you apply it with compassion and patience so that your partner can be supported as they work through the issue. Remember: freedom awaits on the other side... Sensory Acuity Is The Last Of The C.L.U.E.S.™ Sensory acuity is the ability to notice or “feel” when something is not quite right with your partner. It’s not so much a mind-read...it’s a noticing when there is a break in the emotional or psychic connection between you and your partner. It’s about reading their body language, or noticing when they are evasive, short-tempered or avoiding eye contact. In short, it’s about knowing your partner better than they occasionally know themselves...and there’s another word for that. The word is a “soulmate.”
Posted on: Tue, 27 Aug 2013 09:46:20 +0000
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