This just in, Christmas as we know it, may be over. Dateline New York City, Dec. 15, 6:02 PM. Santa Claus was arrested early this morning in New York City. NY Mayor, Bill De Blazio, who has had a campaign against using horses to pull carriages around New York City streets, calling the practice cruel to animals, apparently swore out multiple warrants for Santa Clauss arrest. Reporter Scoop Maxon has the story. Scoop: Scoop: It was a very secretive arrest, to avoid public outrage. It happened at 4:00 AM this morning as the reindeer attempted to lift off from a building on 52nd. Street, having made deliveries to nearly a thousand children in that building. This reporter was on site to view the arrest. The police swat team stood in front of the roof service door and nabbed Santa as he exited. A reindeer tried to knock over the swat team, and was shot. Injuries arent known, and it was undetermined if this was a popular named reindeer. Iron boots were then afixed to the reindeers feet to prevent them from moving. By the way, the reindeers just looked at them and laughed. Apparently they have been booted before. Santa was placed in a metal box with no openings smaller than a fireplace flue, to prevent him from magically disappearing. Santa called over and over again for Batman. When the police told him that Batman is a fictional character, he refused to believe it, and kept calling for him. He managed to get a bat signal out of his pocket and flash it into the sky, but of course, no help arrived. I contacted the New York prosecutor, who was having Christmas at home with his children. He had to sneak out of the room to talk. He said the prosecutors office has been fighting this for years, and the police union was entirely against it. But the final straw came last year when a reindeer dropped poop on the Mayors late night Christmas party, unknowingly to them fouling both the marijuana brownies and the dark rum punch. Careful planning to trap Santa began after that. The prosecutors office said that several charges are pending against Santa, including cruelty to reindeer for making them fly all over the world in one night, and child endangerment for allowing elves to ride in the sleigh without seat belts. The office is investigating if it has jurisdiction over the North Pole, where Santas child slaves are made to work day and night for a year, and then start all over again. The National Labor Relations Board said that short of sending special forces to the North Pole, there isnt much they can do, but the NYC prosecutor will prefer charges in the International Court at the Hague, to get this practice stopped. All in all, it was a bad night for Santa. Next Christmas may be much worse for children, but kinder to animals and elves. So from Scoop Maxon, a Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.
Posted on: Fri, 26 Dec 2014 00:26:38 +0000
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