This morning, I am really struggling with the thoughts of our last moments with Rowan... The worst day of my life. The panic, the screaming, the terror, the breaths I breathed into his little body to try to bring him back to me, even the tears the paramedics were shedding for my baby haunt me... It was horrifying and I will unfortunately carry those images with me forever... But then I started to think of Rowans FIRST breaths here on Earth and how it was one of the BEST days... The first time I looked in his eyes... held him in my arms, the first time I nursed him, changed his diaper, got him dressed... Ah, the first time he met his beautiful sister...I have to keep holding onto those good memories to get me through this. Oh baby we loved you so much, we were so lucky to have you... Its so hard in the mornings waking up without you. Its unfair. I just want you back in my arms sweet angel... I wish I could go back to the day you were born and start our journey again.. Ill never ever forget the sound of your first little cry... I remember saying to nick oh my goodness he sounds like a little cat! And laughing. And how every single doctor and nurse in the room literally awed over how perfect and bald your little head was... Ill never forget the pride your dad had radiating from him, holding you for the first time. I miss you so so much, but Im going to hold onto these specific memories to get me through today. Love you angel.
Posted on: Tue, 09 Dec 2014 14:57:42 +0000
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