This morning I had a documentary about Billy Joels 1987 show in Moscow on in the background & my 22 year old, Tom, began watching it. He was enjoying the music, but as it ended he came to me in tears. Oh, honey, what happened? Why are you crying? They said good-bye to their friends in Moscow & they might not ever see them again! I feel sad for them! Tom curled into my arms, I tucked him under a blanket with me, then gave him a short, simple explanation that this was several years ago, there are fewer travel restrictions in Russia now & its easier for friends to visit each other. He seemed relieved to hear that, but continued to cry. When I asked why he was still sad he responded, I dont know! I suggested maybe it reminds him of not seeing old friends for awhile. I dont know! He sobbed. I asked, Do you know what I can do to help you feel better? He shook his head as the tears flowed. It seemed Tom needed to let something out, even if neither of us knew what it was, so I continued to stroke his head & say reassuring words as he cried. After awhile I reached for my iPad nearby & showed him a short video of his favorite cat, Creampuff, chasing her tail while I made silly commentary. He stopped weeping & began to perk up a bit. Next I flipped through some photos of him with various friends & family members. Look! Its you as a baby in Japan with Cousin, Mimi! Youre smiling because Auntie was feeding you squash. He was still sad, but said he was hungry & went to eat breakfast. Tom returned still looking blue & curled up with me once more. Its a blessing that my kids, especially Tom & Kaede, have a great sense of humor. I searched for an old favorite Jim Gaffigan routine about bacon on YouTube & he was laughing in short order. Afterward he was drained & opted to go take a nap. He has his Friday RPG (Role Playing Game) tonight & it often runs late so he needs to be well-rested. We dont always know WHY our kids are upset & we dont always know exactly WHAT will help them feel better. We can only do our best & pull from our bag of parenting tricks weve accumulated over the years. But I think what matters most is that we care & they KNOW it. I know there are those who dont understand a 22 year old crying with his mom & would say, He needs to learn to be more independent! If I wasnt with him, my son would cry, self-soothe & eventually he would feel better. But when any human being is sad, regardless of age or relation, it is right & good to be empathetic, caring & to offer comfort & reassurance. Yes, teach them coping skills for when they feel sad for the times youre not there. But it is just important for them to learn its okay to both seek & offer kindness in difficult moments. When my tender-hearted son knows I am sad, he is there with a hug...& an offer to let me hold his favorite cat :) Hell say, What can I do for you? Do you need some water? Hes learned the importance of offering comfort to those who are hurting. Kristi Sakai May 16, 2014
Posted on: Fri, 16 May 2014 18:26:09 +0000
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