This morning at 5:30 am Im sitting on the floor in the corner of my living room at the condo that is very close to empty now. My mind ponders the undertaking that I have subjected myself to these past few months and I sigh. Not a mere soft and tired sigh that would certainly be appropriate but instead a sigh of extreme exhaustion, deep and almost warbled even that it ejects itself from my throat as if a demon has just been exorcised. Except for the residual last pieces of clothing, a slowly leaking airbed that makes no sound but deflates nonetheless and several small bins of STUFF there is very little to note; the few unused moving boxes in the corner, a picture on the wall and the fireplace poker set still needed to clean the fireplace. I wonder sometimes how I really got to this point in my life in such a short span of a time after being stuck for so many years. I have found a place in both my mind and my heart that is right and true to what I deserve in this lifetime now. This depth of understanding I now possess allows me to not only believe that there is always another way, a better way, a different way to find that deep inner happiness we all seek but that it is warranted because of the road I have traveled up to this point. I believe that we must all experience the deepest kind of pain in this lifetime in order to UNSTICK ourselves from a situation that will not remedy itself, A shocking or unexpected jarring event that sends us into a tailspin from which we MUST crash. We must fall and hit hard and be stunned by the event in order to wake up delirious and shaken and sometimes injured so badly that we have no way to go but up and out of it. Many times this requires outside help for recovery, external entities to contribute to the understanding we now must face to move forward. We resist or complain that we dont need this and that it wont help the way we feel but we do. We need a different perspective from those people not connected to our lives or the people in our story and we fight it. I fought it for years that I needed to talk about the loss of a child, a love, a career, a life that I had always dreamed of and one that had been promised but was never delivered. I was and am a good woman with a strong and true heart and I had always sought to make the right choices and do the right things that harmed no one or anything but I got cheated. Thats right, I was cheated out of it all, but I recovered. I did this because I wanted it, I needed it, and I deserved it as we all do. In order to get your DUE RIGHT TO RECOVERY... you must take the first step. So take it, look forward, not back, see the light, not the dark, see the desire and hope for a new and brighter future, not the the despair of what is was or isnt any longer. Today, I share my life with you all because sometimes... just sometimes, we need hope to come from somewhere unexpected. I wish you all a glorious day filled with hope and love for yourself and your future and if just one person today makes the decision to change their direction, seek help or guidance or simply know they are this person then my words were worth putting into text. God Bless Us Everyone.
Posted on: Thu, 17 Jul 2014 13:37:32 +0000
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