This morning the Moon will square Mercury in Pisces and then be void of course before entering the sign of Cancer where it will apply to make the 1st quarter by tomorrow. As our moon cycle builds we are also approaching the Cardinal Grand Cross, which will be in full effect around the time of the Full Moon. There is a distinct buzz right now around things coming to completion, as well as the idea that something needs to start over from scratch. Sometimes we get this distinct feeling that right as something is coming to fruition that its not exactly what we wanted, its not the final result we hoped for, or it feels like a hollow victory. Starting over is sometimes looked at through the lens of failure. We bottom line things with words like, crap, or rubbish, and then we get into our metaphorical bulldozers and we begin leveling out a new area from which to set a new foundation and build upward toward a new ideal. The problem with this kind of leveling and rebuilding is that we hardly pause long enough to feel (with the SOULS of our feet) the defeat, failure, or end at which weve just arrived. We judge a thing with our eyes and we dive immediately into solutions, remedies, plans, schemas, new structures, rebuilding projects, etc. Spirit and fire lives in the mountains. Spirit and fire lives in the eyes. Spirit and fire lives in the vision and the plans and schemes. Spirit and fire wants the clarity, the truth, and the final celestial tower of correctness. What great buildings and angelic heights! Soul and water lives in the valleys. Soul and water lives in the feet. Soul and water lives in the feelings and the murky process of not knowing, of loss, of muddling about until we have felt all the unseen things at play in any event. Soul is where we find happiness...its where the high plan of spirit takes root and clutches down into the mud of our discreet being. When something doesnt turn out the way we want, its so tempting to shoot upward into spirit and fire. When we get sick its easy to say, Im not of my body, praise god. Its so easy to say, I will rise above this loss. Its so easy to cling to the image of the hero and say to ourselves, non-attachment (by which we see the tip of the mountain reaching up into the clouds) is the way, the life, and the truth. Its so easy to simply envision a new plan, a new way forward, a new image, and then explode toward it. But how can we return to the soul in moments of loss rather than clutch at the spirits idyllic ambitions? The first step is to not skip past allowing ourselves to feel the utter loss, lack of answers, devastation, and murkiness of the experience. Soul is THERE. The more we skirt around it with high mountain philosophy, the less we receive the guidance of the soul...which cannot guide us from any place but the actual ground of our pain. We dont breathe or center or elevate above it. We learn how to descend into it and camp out until weve gone beyond our judgments and allowed for the voice of the soul to turn us in some way. What we find when we allow for the experience of loss, fully, without any secondary rationalizing or philosophizing about its meaning, or higher purpose, is that weve differentiated ourselves and become more soulful. The differentiation of soul that happens through loss and pain isnt about becoming separate from the environment..its about becoming more discreetly present and in touch with our environment, like the way a neighborhood becomes a discreet being to us only after years and years of soulful experiences in it. Soul is therefore about embodiment. Grief and pain are the great gifts of the soul. The music that pours forth from the soul is about the love of grief and pain, not just the victory over it (remember spirit naturally tends to look down at the valley from the top of the mountain). At this point someone might say, Youre not being balanced here. What about spirit? But its spirit, not soul, thats primarily concerned with the ideal of symmetry or balance, in the first place. Soul is at home in the imbalance...even if its painful or seems unfair. Imbalance is the gift of soul....just like we remember and cherish entire periods of our lives for exactly what they were rather than focusing on what imbalance existed in the past. Soul doesnt have eyes for the imbalance, like spirit does...it has feet which are constantly treading the imbalanced terrains of life. Spirit has a leveling stick and a bulldozer...soul has walking shoes. But why say all of this? Because again, right now many of us are reaching mountain tops only to find that it isnt what we hoped for. We get to the top of the mountain and far from perfection, all we can feel is the imbalanced, ugly, pointy, painful ground we are standing on. Before we plot and scheme and bulldoze a new path, however...lets just reflect on the fact that weve somehow shifted our awareness to our feet. :-) The souls of our feet. :-) Prayer: Images in the sky. Fall apart with a pain in my foot. Help me to WALK the path before me, even as I revision and dream new dreams and level out for new plots. May any disappointments I face right now return me to my soul, and may I find happiness in the defeat, rather than the instant gratification of reactive heroism.
Posted on: Sat, 05 Apr 2014 14:10:00 +0000
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