[Those Days Were Gone] I woke up at dawn this morning, while it was still dark, to go to the toilet. And for a moment, I wondered why my corridor wasnt like the one in the last Paris apartment I stayed. And when I laid down and realized that I was REALLY back for good, my heart just dropped and tightened - a deep pang of sadness, and despair, though its been a few days now and I had been just sleeping on and off everyday. I am just physically at 2% energy left - I look and feel like shit. Probably not the same resigned-to-fate-that-I-have-to-return sadness I felt when I was up in the park the final night for the final sunset. Because this time, its REALLY all over, it will be at least another one year I can return and even then, it will NEVER be the same again. Up in the park, comforted by the amazing parting gift from nature, or from someone up there, or from Paris itself, I was actually feeling more thankful and moved by the amazing sight than feeling really despaired on the last night. It is a kind of sunset I dont think I have ever seen, or will ever see again. Because it was raining earlier, the skies were an ominous dark with thick dark grey clouds, and the sun was hidden. As the rays of light fought to permeate the dense clouds, it made me also believe the saying that: Every cloud has a silver lining but in this case, it was gold, shine-brightly-and-everythings-gonna-be-alright kind of lining. Light, however, always wins darkness. The sun fought to reveal itself behind the huge ominous dark clouds, and as the clouds separated downwards, the sun ablazed the skies with its beauty, and it was like a sunrise. How could a sun setting downwards, ever start rising up? It was just a complete miracle happening in front of me. Paris always = magic for me, though magic does not happen in front of me all the time. But it always makes me smile, and many other crazies like me. I have noticed many French ladies walking on their own and smiling too - and I have labelled them to be like myself - The Crazies. There wasnt a reason to smile, walking in the cold in Paris was just the reason, without any explicable reason. We just feel comfortable, loved (even maybe by no one), and good, and we naturally smile. I dont think anybody will understand what I am talking about :p, and truth be told, there are times when I completely hate Paris. When I turned to leave, the sun again was again concealed by clouds but it would never hide its presence. Creating a day and night effect, the skies were diagonally split into part thick white clouds, part thin clouds with blue skies, and to me, it was an amazing artwork. Both sides of the split were awashed with the warm orange hue of the sun, while one side retained their cloudy look and the other clear blue skies. At nearly 10pm, the orange hue was so warm and comforting to see as I whispered thank you and goodbye in my heart, and turned around to fight against darkness on foot to return to the apartment for World Cup Brazil vs Germany. Yes, 63 days of summer was gone. Forever. It will never, ever, be the same again, even if I were to return. So I think this sappy Al Green song from Ally McBeal seems very drama but very apt: How can you mend a broken heart? How can you stop the rain from falling down? How can you stop the sun from shining? What makes the world go round? youtu.be/UgAFcvIw8J4
Posted on: Sun, 13 Jul 2014 16:47:14 +0000