Thought he would post these Jokes as today is international chocolate day ! calendarlabs/holidays/international/international-chocolate-day.php Mom: Fred, there were two chocolate cakes in the larder yesterday, and now there’s only one. Why? Fred: I don’t know. It must have been so dark I didn’t see the other one. Q: Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous? A: Because no one wants to quit. A man found a bottle on the beach. He opened it and out popped a genie, who gave the man three wishes. The man wished for a million dollars, and poof! There was a million dollars. Then he wished for a convertible, and poof! There was a convertible. And then, he wished he could be irresistible to all women… Poof! He turned into a box of chocolates. Q: What do cannibals eat for dessert? A: Chocolate covered aunts. Plump lady to the waitress: I’d like Death by Chocolate for dessert, but only enough to put me in critical condition. Q: How do you know when a complete moron has been making chocolate chip cookies? A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor. Q: Why do complete morons hate M&Ms? A: They’re too hard to peel. Q: What job function does a complete moron have in an M&M factory? A: Proofreading. Q: Why did the complete moron get fired from the M&M factory? A: He threw out the Ws. Q: How do you confuse a complete moron? A: Ask him to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms. Q: Why don’t they make white M&M’s? A: Because they’d enslave the black M&M’s, steal all the red M&Ms’ land, hunt the blue M&M’s to extinction, accuse the yellow M&M’s of obstructing trade, start a panic that the little green M&M’s were invading the Earth, and complain that the brown M&M’s were taking all their jobs. Knock knock! Who’s there? Imogen. Imogen who? Imogen life without chocolate! An old man and a young man worked in office next to each other. The young man noticed that the older man always had a jar of peanuts on his desk. The young man loved peanuts. One day while the older man was away from his desk, the young man couldn’t resist and went to the old man’s jar and ate over half the peanuts. When the old man returned, the young man felt guilty and confessed to taking the peanuts. The old man responded, “That’s ok. Since I lost my teeth all I can do is lick the chocolate off the M&Ms.” An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death’s agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. Gathering his remaining strength, he lifted himself from the bed. He slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and, with even greater effort, forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands. With labored breath, he leaned against the door, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death’s agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven: there, spread out on the kitchen table, were hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. Mustering one final effort, he threw himself toward the table. His aged and withered hand painstakingly made its way toward a cookie when it was suddenly smacked by a spatula. “Stay out of those,” said his wife, “they’re for the funeral.” A young girl was at the dentist for a check up. With much tutting, the dentist examined all her teeth. Finally he announced crossly “Young lady, you’ve been eating far too many sweet things, several of your teeth need filling.” “Oh goody!” she replied happily. “Can I have chocolate filling please?” You know you’re a chocoholic if the bartender tells you you’ve had enough shots of chocolate syrup for one night. You know you’re a chocoholic if, when the leaves change in the fall, you start gathering Almond Joy candy bars for the coming winter. Did you hear about the affair between Mr. Goodbar and Peppermint Patty? They had a baby, Ruth.
Posted on: Sat, 13 Sep 2014 08:07:27 +0000