Three Things That Kill Communication 1. Concern trolling: Have - TopicsExpress

Three Things That Kill Communication 1. Concern trolling: Have you ever once in your life found the words “It’s for your own good” to ring true?... The concern troll pretends to agree with you and be on your side, but then asks questions and makes statements that make it clear where he or she really stands… Yes, there is a healthy place to confront the ones you love when you feel they’re doing something that is hurting them or others. And injustices and wrongs need to be addressed. The key to stopping this is owning it: Say right out you feel bad that you can’t talk to your friend easily anymore, because when you get together now, she’s drinking and it doesn’t feel to you like she’s tracking. Owning your discomfort and admitting your ignorance and boundaries go a long way to stopping this one. 2. Compassion baiting: PRACTICE COMPASSION and FORGIVE and LET IT GO and DANCE and SING and SIT DOWN and SHUT UP. “Don’t get me wrong: forgiveness is wonderful. There are many uplifting stories about people who have managed to forgive those who have gravely harmed them, or harmed the people they love. This is amazing and important work. Many people describe it as immensely freeing, and I think that’s why we’re so eager to share it with others. But we can use it as inspiration, as an option, offered considerately — rather than a standard by which to judge (or hasten) spiritual maturity.” [buddhistpeacefellowship.org/5-big-problems-with-compassion-baiting/] 3. The Fake Apology. “I’m sorry you choose to see it that way.” Again, it’s all about owning it. If you’re not sorry, then don’t apologize, and accept that some people might not want to have much to do with you after that. “I’m sorry you choose” practitioners want to get a twofer — they want credit for apologizing PLUS the satisfaction of being able to blame someone else. And you can even layer one more on there — you get to add in an implicit criticism of the reliability of the other person’s perceptions, and a claim that you should have the last word when it comes to their perceptions. That starts moving into “gaslighting” territory — and is pretty evil. ~By Maria Padhila planetwaves.net/news/polyamory/three-things-that-kill-communication/ [Art by Juan Medina]