#ThrowbackStory Dear ex-boyfriend, I know that you’re happy now with your life and I’m glad that you really are. There are millions of stuffs that I’ve wanted to show and billions of words to tell you but I couldn’t anymore…I know I should’ve told you when we were still together. Perhaps, these words would’ve changed everything right now. Perhaps, life would have been easier for both of us if only I had known it. I’ve always wanted to tell how thankful I am to be loved by someone like you, I know that you really loved me with all your heart and soul…you were true and it was what they call boundless love. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to reciprocate that sentiment. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to show you enough how much I care. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to tell you that you were the best thing that ever happened to me. And I’m really sorry I couldn’t afford to say yes to you when you asked me to marry you. I have loved you with all my heart too but I couldn’t just see my whole future in your eyes. Yes, I was happy with you but deep in my hearts of heart, I was still wishing for a much happier life with somebody else (crazy as it is). I was guilty of a crime I have committed but to cover up my shame, I prayed so hard to God the He would give you the kind of love you needed and deserved, that HE would give you someone who could love you better than I do, someone who could build dreams with you, someone who could make your heart speak, someone who could be more than enough for you, someone who would complete you, someone that I could never be… I was so sure that it was what I wanted. I was certain that I would be the happiest person when you meet the one for you and when you finally let go of me. I was very sure until the gift was delivered; it slapped me right on my face. It was excruciating, I thought I couldn’t bear, I never have dreamed for once that I’d rather be dead than to see you with someone else. It was a death sentence I have prepared for myself. Every little thing that happened was still fresh in this isolated mind of mine. I remember I very was young then, and all I wanted was a life that’s wild and free! No responsibilities, no rules to follow, only freedom to relish! I was a selfish monster, so selfish that I have only thought of myself. When we had our silly fights, I would break up with you so easily and instantly have a replacement. Everything was like a game for me, it was easiest when I pretended to love another guy and simply show you no care while deep inside, it pained me so much especially when i see your picture on my wall smiling so dearly at me. It tears me apart when I hear your voice over the phone saying my name so sweetly, begging for my love, and pleading for mercy to give you another chance to prove yourself, while I just listened in silence. I never thought you would get tired of me. I never thought you would get exhausted of doing the things you never complained doing before. I never thought a day would come that I would no longer be your girl. I never have imagined even in my wildest contemplations that one day we would be strangers again… If I only knew, I would’ve been a good and loving girlfriend. I could’ve told you every words of love I could master. I could’ve included you in my plans. I could’ve kissed you in the rain. I could’ve lied down on your chest under the moonlit sky. I could’ve hugged you like there’s no tomorrow. And I could’ve held you tight that you could never let go. That moment when you’ve finally moved out of my life was the loneliest day of my existence. I thought I could not go through it. I thought my life was over, but it was just our love’s crack of doom for which I have misinterpreted to be my life as well. When you left I falsely believed that you took away every part of me. I cried a river; I’ve wanted to sleep and didn’t want to wake up. But I was wrong…everything I have been thinking was wrong. I thought it was the most painful kind of death, not being able to help yourself in front your family and friends was like being hanged on the ceiling and you couldn’t stop yourself from spinning as your body tries to find balance. Losing someone you love to some complete stranger is like watching your loved ones die in front of you. You see them in the middle of the dessert, feasted by the wild beasts of the earth. You feel their pain. And you feel your own life died with them but you can do nothing. You’re as helpless as they are. You don’t want that to happen, do you? Then why did you have to leave and break my heart like this?...i don’t know if I could be whole again, I wonder If I have to bear with this agony forever or it will just leave me a painless scar. I wonder if I ever come across your mind and all the pains I’ve suffered. I wonder if you remember that someone is bleeding to death because of you as you look into those lovely eyes of your happy wife. I wonder if there are times when you wished you haven’t hurt me and abandoned me. I wonder if there are times when you look her in the eye and wished she was me. I wonder if there are times when you kissed her you wished it was my lips you’re kissing. I wonder if there are times when you want to hug your baby and wished it was our baby. I wonder if you wished that your baby would have had my eyes, my nose, my smile those things that would always remind you of the special love we shared when we’re still the best of lovers. #EXgirlfriend Alumni Female
Posted on: Mon, 22 Jul 2013 19:31:11 +0000
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