To God be the Glory and we have made it to the end of another week. Thank you for giving us family and for the chance to spent time with each other. Grief is an experience common to all of us. We all lose someone we love at sometime. The difference lies in the names and circumstances of our losses. To lose a parent is to lose the past. To lose a spouse, sibling or friend is to lose the present. To lose a child is to lose the future. Each of us has loved and lost and, now, the grief we feel is overwhelming sometimes and persistent at all times. I believe the depth of our grief arises from the depth of our love. When we lose someone we greatly love, how can we not deeply grieve and how can that grief quickly pass? Deep grief never passes quickly and never passes completely. Here are three responses to loss that deal with the past, present and the future of our lives. Some people respond to their loss with regret as they focus on the past. Their grief is defined by their guilt about what was but should not have been or their guilt about what should have been but was not. The words they often think and say with respect to their deceased loved one are “if only.” If only I had not let him take the car that night! If only I had told her I loved her more often! If only I had done more for him! If only… If only you and I could change the past, if only we could alter the circumstances that resulted in our instant loss and constant pain. We cannot change yesterday; we can only live today. To live today, despite our loss, we have to begin to replace the regretful words “if only” with the grateful word “nevertheless.” Sure we could have placed more protective rules on our children; nevertheless, we loved them with a freedom that they needed and appreciated. Sure we should have told her more often that we loved her; nevertheless, we did speak and show our love and she knew it. Sure we could have done more for him; nevertheless, we did much for him and he was grateful. Nowhere in the Bible does it speak in the language of “if only”; however, frequently the Bible uses the language of “nevertheless.” We cannot change the painful past or bring back our loved one; nevertheless, we can live with gratitude for the love we had and for the life we shared – even though that love and life ended too soon. How will we live with the grief that has rocked our world? Will we get stuck in yesterday with the words “if only” or will be move ahead toward tomorrow with the word “nevertheless”? We do grieve our loss; nevertheless, life must go on. Another response to our losses deals with the present moment. How are we handling the emotion of our loss right now, today? The emotion that accompanies the death of a loved one can be so intense that we do not know how to handle such feelings. Afraid of what might happen if the pain within us comes out, we try to bottle up our emotions and not let them out. We wonder: what happens if I let my emotion out and I begin to cry and I can’t stop crying – if I can’t regain control of my emotions? The bottom line is that painful emotion is within us and it will come out sometime, somehow, somewhere. If we don’t allow ourselves to grieve with tears over our loved one, our grief may come out in inappropriate and damaging ways such as misplaced anger toward a loved one still with us or as destructive actions toward ourselves. We need to find positive ways to let the pain within us come out. If not, that pain within will build up like gas under pressure and will eventually explode, with collateral damage to others or to us. If we don’t find healthy and healing ways to let our pain out today, that pain will emerge in unhealthy and destructive ways that can destroy other relationships and result in losing other loved ones as we drive them away in our anger and frustration. But this doesn’t have to happen. And it won’t happen if we allow ourselves to let out our pained emotions. Yesterday’s loss doesn’t have to create more losses today. The third response to our loss deals with the future. How will our loss change us, redefine us, as a person? One thing is sure: Our loss will change us! The question is: will the change be positive or negative? Will our loss lead us to be open to that which can never be lost? Will our loss lead us to be open to God? When God is mentioned in connection with our loss, most of us immediately want to ask: Why? Why, God? Why did this happen? Why did you allow this tragedy? I have come to realize that tragedy is a price tag for freedom. I have asked that “why” question often and in anger. What I have learned from my loss is that more than needing an answer to my question about pain, I need a presence in my pain. More than needing an explanation of my tragedy, I need to experience God’s presence in my tragedy. For me, Christ on the cross reminds me that God knows my pain. I believe that my tears and my pain over my loss are exceeded by God’s tears and God’s pain over my loss. God knows, for God has been there where we are in our loss. Tragedy can drive us away from God in bitter disappointment or tragedy can lead us to God in longing hope. The choice is ours! Grief is an experience common to all of us. We all lose someone we love sometime, somehow. All of us grieve but not all of us grieve with hope. My wish is the wish that the Apostle Paul had for the grieving people of his day. (1 Thessalonians 4:13) May you grieve with a sense of hope for this life and beyond. The basis for our hope, even in out grief, lies in this faith claim: In life and in death, we belong to God. Through the Old Testament prophet Jeremiah, God spoke to the people of Israel when they had lost everything and were exiled in a foreign land. To those ancient people grieving their loss and to us modern people grieving our loss, God says: “I know the plans I have for you, plans for your well being and not for harm, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11) For all of us who have loved and lost, need a future with hope.May God wrap his loving arms around my husband and my in laws at this time of need may he comfort you and may you have peace in your heart in the lost of our dear Mother.
Posted on: Sat, 19 Jul 2014 03:33:35 +0000