To: MRN, **Primary Care_Mayfield_Hawk Message ID#: 343894922 Subject: General Inquiry First, I would like to apologize for becoming confused to Julia(? Julie?) the nurse. I honestly do not do well with change now and it is more like vertigo than anything. Waiting until something becomes an issue to try and explain only makes it be double jeopardy. I have been kicked too many times and if you move too fast around me I react as if I am about to be kicked. I did not chose to be this way and I did nothing to make myself this way past trusting the VA and its employees to simply do their jobs. My last doctor made an error because I have been denied pretty much everything I have asked for unless I came backed by a US Senator. I am doing my absolute best to trust you with my life and my care, but trust is no longer something I can just give away any longer. I may be reckless seeming in life because I truly want more out of life than the VA is willing to allow helping me to have. I jogged in even the height of a crack addiction and now I can barely walk and they just sat back and watched it happen probably even taking bets if I would die before anyone noticed or not. Besides that, every promise the government made from day one of my enlistment until even now has been broken. Most of my damages are not in my medical records because the doctor just simply refused to write them down as they are mostly evidence of Baclofen Withdrawal and his mistake that ended up causing the withdrawal even though it could have been fixed in time simply by letting me wean off. I did do the best with what I had on hand, but it just wasn’t enough. Not only did that doctor make a mistake, but that doctor left me all alone to face either a horrible death or my worst nightmare of becoming trapped within my body in a seemingly vegetative state. Death at that time truly would have been merciful. My damages include I cant connect to who I was before and at best I get pieces of memories that I can sometimes invest months in to get just a little more detail and sometimes just plain do not make sense at all. To top that off, it take weeks of deliberate familiarity to have a chance of learning and remembering anything even simply down to moving a piece of furniture as it leaves me panicking that I have no clue how it got moved. Everything in my life is familiarity through repetition or someone deliberately continually making me familiarize with change and everything else is confusion moment to moment. Then to make it worse, I got left High functioning so that I know each moment I have to figure it out again I did not ask for this and this did not have to be. Spasticity is not even listed in my records, but I have suffered severely in the past years since the Baclofen accident and it is mostly the left side of my body curling into rigor, but it can happen to my entire body with my lungs even barely sucking air. I generally pass out in these from lack of air and fortunately those episodes are kind of rare at that severity. My normal is my body simply locks at whatever position it is in and I have violent muscle spasms that rack my body. Those will ease off relatively quick and I have always been told not to push past this by Physical Therapy, but I am finding now I recover faster and have more energy if I do push past while pushing past also makes them come more frequent that way. My simple rule I have to face in life is the more physically active I am the more it is going to hurt in one way or the other. I get down on my knees, partially because I can get down and get back up but mostly to praise God in prayer for a level 4 pain day. I have also found I cannot reach a level 4 day without pushing through level 8 and 9 days. Level 10 is semi-conscious and there is no anything but suffering at that level. My balance is one day active and two to recover. I can do a one day recovery in between as long as I will have three or four following to recover. This is simple fact of life without an adaptive life. Then I have what I started with which was simply random muscle spasms that interfered with not just my somatic muscle use but involuntary as well meaning spasms were affecting both my heart beating and my lungs breathing as first recorded and noted in my Gulf War Physical after the fact in 1991 where it first began to show up while happening on an EKG. I have been sworn to I have no pinched nerves, but I have pinches in at least four places that I can feel as they turn my sensations on and off in differing parts of my extremities. I have not been able to push to have a bowel movement for years as a result and even this is a process of relaxation to be able to function properly. It is why my last colonoscopy was not doable because I am nearly completely impacted but it is stuck; there is just no muscle control to move it along. I put in and I tend to push out a like amount as well indicating how stopped up I am. I did lose a large portion of my muscular structure, but ironically where my muscles gain and hold ever increasing amounts of tension from use rather than relaxing all the way after use, feeding myself properly has begun to regrow most of that structure lost. I cant get a soul to listen to me, but I heal fast and by fast I mean extraordinarily fast. I am guessing that is the only way I am surviving what happened to me, but I also believe I can get better and stronger if not at the speed the VA wants to make it seem worth their while. I know everything I need and everything I need to do and I am willing to stake my life on I will walk again if using a walker and not every single day, but I know I can if I can do it my way and the VA is not going to allow that to happen because it will mean they have to admit there was a mistake made and then compensate me for it to give me that chance. It is why my settlement offer even removes much of the funds should I pass away as I am betting my life on this. I need a means to enable gravity traction to allow the release of pressure between the joints to get the blood flowing properly in the area and I need to do this maybe a few times a day for short periods of time. I need hot water deep enough to float and wide enough to float in 100 degree water to assist in more rapidly relaxing and releasing the accumulated muscle tensions of the day. It will take my fiancé being here and her helping me daily and adaptive accessibility. It will take seeing a chiropractor once a month and occasionally twice a month followed by quarterly xrays to keep tabs. The rest is on me but I know I can walk again at least with my walking in 12-18 months give or take a month. I can lesson my pain and my suffering. I have done all of this and know the benefits and drawback and now just need to put them all together and the only way I can effectively see that happening is everything I need to do it in my home at my fingertips with my fiancé/wife’s help. Back to the way things are done and travel and I am done. The VA wants that MRI now to see how badly their doctor really did screw up in denying me for years and not writing down anything about what was real in my life. Yes, I want it so I can see because it will help me know where to concentrate on strengthening first. The Neurosurgeon, well, I need their opinion which I will even bet will not match mine, but I need it anyways for arguments sake. A good neurologist that knows the brain and the medication that affect it is a must though. When I ask for travel, I don’t care how you get me there as long as you take into consideration transporting a power chair and I don’t have to do anything but be ready to travel both ways without having to endure sitting up too long without being able to lie down to rest my spinal muscles or I wont even be able to get back into the door of my nonadaptive home much less get out of the bed to urinate once I am in bed. I will always make my own arrangements first where possible, but when I do ask for travel it is because all of my options are unavailable. Lastly, I want to thank you for calling back and confirming things were taken care of and all I have to be is ready. I really do not want to argue, fight, or have problems because I have enough. Trust really is difficult for me now so that will take time. I really am just like the abused animals I take in and try to help past their insecurities to trust again so they don’t have to be put down. I have waived all of my past, present, and future medical privacy rights filed directly with the Counsel for VA and all of the US Congress is glancing my way. This is not threat and is just what is. For the moment, because you cant go wrong even if it does get irritating at moments, treat me as if I am 10 years old in talking to me. I have no chance of remembering later if I do not understand. I am sorry I am this way. I did not choose it. It was done to me by my last doctor. As well, when I came here I was just picking myself back up out of a wheelchair and I have many witnesses that thought I was nuts because rain, shine, sleet, snow, hail, high winds, and even flood, I was out pushing that walker 1 mile each and every day and twice a day when I could. I even built a homemade trike and strapped my walker to the back and kept riding when I could no longer manage a bike. I am not going to quit and I am not going to just roll over and die as long as God gives me breath. I need a doctor that will help me and enable me to be more than even they think I can accomplish. I promise you, I will walk again at least with a walker or I will die in the effort. And that I swear. This isn’t the first time I have faced never walking again.
Posted on: Wed, 08 Oct 2014 07:29:03 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015