To gray or not to gray….. Not really a question………. Actually more of a reality. I’ve hung onto my red hair probably long past the point of gracefully accepting the “natural “process of aging. The only problem with hanging onto it, was that it no longer came naturally, but now required “LOREAL” used every month or so. I started noticing it about two years ago………. Maybe more, but why quibble over that….. it began to happen……….slowly at first and then more rapidly until keeping the roots red was becoming a full-time and a tedious, not to mention expensive, task. But, if I’m honest, vanity kept me red ……………. It seemed like a final surrender to old age to give in to it and stop covering the white roots with red color. Not sure when, or why, the final moment came…….. but I suspect it was the fatal permanent I coerced my husband into giving me. He objected, protested, and all but refused, but with a couple glasses of wine he relented. He helped me with the perm rollers and the curling solution (all the while protesting that he didn’t have a clue what he was doing). Calming him and myself down with another couple glasses of wine….. we went out to sit by our koi pond to relax for the twenty five minutes it needed to process. However, in the midst of several glasses of wine, we left the timer in the house. And, sitting in the shade, enjoying the relaxing scene of the koi swimming gracefully and lazily around the perimeter of the pond……… we got into a deep, and somewhat political discussion. We know better…. Even though we agree on most political issues….. things got pretty deep and we were laughing and having a great bit of togetherness…….. when he suddenly asked me………. “What about your perm?” What about it? Lulled into a few fearless and unworried moments, it had totally vacated my mind…… and left me not worrying or even caring what the ultimate result would be. But……… suddenly, a moment of absolute anxiety hit me………. I ran into the house, found the timer and discovered it had done its job, probably 20-30 minutes ago. Looking at the clock a horrible sudden realization hit me that I had brought absolute disaster upon myself. I don’t have to detail the following few minutes while we added the neutralizer to the curls………and I guess I don’t have to explain the results when I rinsed them thoroughly and removed the curlers. My hair looked as if it had been deep fat fried………. And even worse, all the color (fake as it was) had been stripped. I looked at it with an instant rage toward my husband…….. He destroyed my hair……… but while adding every available conditioner and treatment to my hair, I remembered telling him that all he had to do was roll the hair on the curlers and add the solution………. I’d take care of all the details…………… (Wine sometimes makes me forget things.) My hair, every strand and curl of it, was not only damaged beyond repair………. But all the color was gone, leaving it a sort of “dirty blonde” except for the roots which now were snow white. My first reaction was to simply stay home for the three months or so, giving it time to grow out………and be cut off, but that wasn’t practical for a variety of reasons. Next reaction was to cut it as short as possible…. But there’s a limit even to that. I tried adding color back, but it would not take color…. And it looked even worse…………… I had suddenly become an old gray haired lady! Everywhere I went, from grocery shopping, to a family baby shower………And even a family funeral, I noticed people staring at me……… knowing they were talking about my hair and how absolutely hideous it was. (Yes, I was suffering from a little paranoia – who wouldn’t). My niece, who happens to be a very expensive hair dresser……. Approached me and pretended to be just visiting, just a warm welcome for an old gray headed aunt. But I knew better…… her eyes strayed to my hair over and over and I knew she wanted to ask “Did you do that on purpose?” or “Who does your hair now?”. But cool lady that she was, she was silent, but her eyes told it all. I didn’t stay long, exiting the scenes as quickly as was gracefully possible. All this to save the fifty bucks or so a perm would have cost me………. However, since I’d colored my hair for years, there was a possibility no legitimate hair dresser would perm me……… and seeing the result…… I knew why. I remembered the old “I Love Lucy” show where Lucy and Ethel gave themselves perms………. With disastrous results….. they also sewed new dresses from scratch…….. trying to appease their spouses’ complaints about the cost of their upkeep. Yep, I’ve tried that also……. with a waste of money, time and pride. I cannot sew, other than a little mending job……. And even those are pathetic……. So began a two month period of trimming as much as possible, every week another inch or two would disappear with the help of my scissors. Until finally, I realized all I had left was the very whitest of white, not gray anymore……… but a startlingly white, almost radiant (if you can use that word to describe my hair). So, since I’ve begun that fateful, and reluctant crawl into old age……… 71 at my last birthday (two weeks after my disastrous home perm) the thought occurred to me that perhaps God, in his wisdom is telling me it’s time to acknowledge that sad fact of life. No longer will I hear “What! You’re a great grandma? You don’t look a day over 50!” Now instead I hear, “So you have three great grandchildren, aren’t they a joy”? Kind, yes, condescending…. Perhaps…… but at least they speak the truth to me now……… were they lying all those years about me looking younger? How foolish is vanity…………….. It takes an act of God or an inebriated husband helping me to a home perm………to expose my true age and condition. Perhaps, I thought, I can explain to them that in my family graying comes early. But all my relatives know better………. Crap! However, now when I say I’m tired, or don’t feel as though I can handle being on my feet all day….. they can see for themselves…… I’ve left middle age behind a long time ago…… can’t even look back and recall it anymore. I’m old! Face it lady………. It’s a fact of life, if we live long enough, it happens. So Yesterday I gave myself another haircut, and the last of deep fried hair disappeared…. And my “glow in the dark” white is all that’s left. It sure doesn’t look like me when I look in the mirror. But hey, now perhaps my doctor will take my complaints seriously….. and no longer will I be asked for ID when I try to use the senior citizen discount…….. I can now put my AARP card in one of the windows in my wallet……….And, I can buy over the counter meds to reduce gas, to combat constipation… or diarrhea without being embarrassed. I don’t sweat roots showing through anymore, and I can save myself from all those admiring, lustful glances from younger men……….. (I just added that last part……… I don’t remember when last I was on the receiving end of one of those). So, YEP!!! Here I am Lord, now what……………. People are somewhat shocked when they see me, but they’ll get used to it, and so will I, if I live long enough. One last positive thought, If I should drop dead I won’t have to leave a note to the guy who must prepare my body for viewing……….. I always thought I’d carry a note with the brand name and number of my hair color so that mortician could cover up my roots before showing me to the world………………
Posted on: Mon, 29 Jul 2013 17:59:30 +0000
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