To my old classmate that ran into me yesterday when I was out & about with my husband and friends.... I know that youll probably never read this.. But blame boredom and blame Facebook for asking me, What are you thinking about? .. Goofy me, I decided to write an answer.. It wasnt a bad thing to say hello.. So, dont think I didnt appreciate the time you took from the hustle and bustle of the busy mall to extend a warm greeting and even a hug towards me. It was nice to catch up briefly on how youve been, where you live.. heck, even to see you grown up and no longer a teenager. Seeing your face brought back so many memories of both Dreher High School and Crayton Middle School days.. You were never one of the ones who were outright mean to me in school.. but we also were never friends though now, were we? No. For some reason as Im writing this.. I remember my Sweet 16.. I invited all of my classmates... well over 60 people. My dad bought a ton of burgers and hotdogs.. a big cake, lots of icecream.. He was going to be the Grill-master for my crowd of friends.. 5 people showed up. As children and teenagers, we almost all want to fit in and do what our peers tell us is cool.. We seek their approval. Sometimes it by being smart and getting passing scores.. sometimes its by doing or saying stupid things. Im 35 years old and I still get pointed at and laughed at when Im in public. Ive even had children point and exclaim, EWW GROSS! as their parents shield their faces away from me. Cmon now, its not like Im going to throw them into a cauldron. Let them look and point but EDUCATE THEM instead of hurrying them away. How can they ever learn about tolerance, love and differences of people? There were times I was in the wrong too growing up. I wasnt always a good friend and gave in to rumors.. I remember one time in particular.. of having a best friend in middle school and suddenly, I had another friend, a new friend, something that was rare for me to have. Jealousy reared its ugly face and eventually lies were whispered to me by the new friend.. of how I was teased and joked about when my back was turned... and sadly, I believed the lies. Heck, why not? Everyone else was joking and laughing at me. The lies were easy to believe.. So for several years, I lost a good friend. In the end, we became friends again but time had passed and wed already grown apart. Almost every kid gets teased in their life.. some more than others. But from 1st grade to my 12th grade year, I endured countless methods of hate and bullying. From the typical name calling, laughter and jokes to crueler acts.. being pushed down stairs or even tripped to fall (back when I used a prosthetic leg, before I became confined to a wheelchair). I cant begin to tell you how many nights I cried to my pillow and talked with my stuffed animals.. asking God, Why? ... Why are people so mean? What did I do to deserve this? I felt blessed to have a handful of friends. I cherished their open-mindedness and kindness. I knew they risked their own popularity and status by befriending me. Sometimes I feel almost like I was cheated out of school-day-happiness.. But I realize, all of those terrible times had their share of sunny times too.. and all of them together, have shaped me into who I am today. I am strong, loving, compassionate, understanding, giving, caring, good-humored and even stubborn. Yes, my mind often wandered to dark thoughts of just ending my pain by ending my life.. but each time I survived heartache and humiliation, I gave myself hope and faith of a better future. Those 12 years felt like forever and I thought Id never break through victorious. Yet here I am, almost 18 years after high school graduation and my life is amazing. I still have my ups and downs, we all do. And just like the heartbeat on a monitor.. those ups and downs are what keep me alive and going.. to be flat-line, Id be dead. So, to my fellow classmate.. thank you for saying hello and I do appreciate the hug.. I only wish it was 18+ years sooner.. As you raise your kids, send them off to school, tuck them in at night, teach them right from wrong.. I just hope you and others I went to school with can keep in mind the little girl I once was.. I was someones child too, wanting to belong, to be normal.. teach your children to be accepting of all people, of all backgrounds, race, beliefs, disabilities.. And to those who struggle with bullying and hate.. You can and you will overcome it and will come out on the top. Try to remember not to live solely in the moments of sadness but also live for the promises of knowing happiness is just ahead of you. It feels like this is how your world is now and will always be.. but it wont be. You will triumph. You will be happy. And you will one day look back on the pre-teen and teenage years and realize just how insignificant they really were compared to who you are. xoxo - Angel
Posted on: Mon, 20 Jan 2014 03:01:30 +0000
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