To start, thanks to my bandmates for allowing me to speak personally on here with regards to my feelings after playing Skate and Surf: Yesterday was one of the most revealing days with regards to just how much music means to me and what it does for me. Yesterday during our set I felt like an animal in the wild. I felt natural. I felt like a superhero. A sharp contrast to the many times in a week I pace my living room, talking to myself and obsessing on things as if it were a psych ward rec hall. And Ill hesitate to bring my hand to door and leave the house like a vampire in reverse. But when I get to sing and perform, its like I get to exist in something else, and it opens a door to at least cope with the things that make me the way that I am. And yesterday, Skate and Surf, was an especially heart-heavy experience. Playing a festival with bands that are instrumental in shaping the music I make as well as the way I feel and internalize emotions was incredible enough. And seeing the people that took the time to watch us really was re-affirming of what I choose to do, which is good because what I choose to do is the only thing I want to do. Of the crowd, there were many new people that I got to sing to; I found much hope and inspiration in their interest, despite the fact that we were playing at the same time as one of those aforementioned influential acts. Then there were many people that have been supportive for very long, whether it being people that Ive known before playing music, people Ive known for years, very close to my heart and identity, and people that Ive been lucky to get to know personally from playing music, whether from touring/playing with or from their support of Bellwether. All of that support itself is an integral part of what defines music to me; thats part of what opens that door at the intersection of obsession and distraction. And that music is what keeps my heart beating, my blood flowing; I feel it in my chest and I see it in everything. And as long as that experience stays constant, I will always have that portal. I never know how I feel about anything and I am always thinking myself in and out of everything Ive done, do, and plan to. And some days, honestly, I dont know if I really care to improve, be it out of docile complacency to let the torment and hauntings become all I feel or out of frustration of trying anymore. I just dont know if I believe in much of anything, much less trying to predicate or crystallize life in some sort of motto/statement. However, if I am certain of anything, it is that I feel music so in-tune with my being, my soul, that I will always have this vessel to create as long as I wake up, even on the days that I dont get out of bed. Thank you to the people that have helped me come to this realization, even when Ive made it pretty impossible to be around me. -Desmond
Posted on: Tue, 20 May 2014 00:20:52 +0000
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