Today, August 27, 2013 begins the eleventh year of my life without Matthew. One thing I’ve come to accept over the past eleven years is that some days are just hard. There is no anticipating when grief will sneak up and overwhelm me. It just happens. It can be a song, a special place, a favorite food or just a memory that slides into my head and all I can think about is the huge hole that now fills my life. I can be reading or talking one minute and find my eyes filling with tears the next. And that’s ok. In fact, it just brings Matthew closer to me for that moment. Matthew is now with my father and my mother. My mother died on March 31 and I know that Matthew was with his grandfather to greet her. She would be so happy to see him. She missed him so very much. My grief is always present even if you don’t see it. It doesn’t go away even with the passage of time. It doesn’t go away even if I seem “better.” With time, the intense pain subsides, but my grief, like my love, is always there. I will always mourn Matthew. I don’t want him to ever be forgotten. Ever. My memories are all that I have. Since Matthew died, I’ve learned that you do begin to put your life together again, bit-by-bit, piece-by-piece. Its form is different but it is still life. It continues to have shape and meaning. And part of that new shape is formed by the memory of Matthew. Some days are just hard and today is one of the hardest. Some days, grief rises up to remind me that it is still here. It reminds me that grieving Matthew will always be a part of my life. Matthew will continue to live forever in my heart. His smile, his laughter, his love of the most expensive sneakers known to mankind, Abercrombie clothing, and chicken wings (the greasier the better) will be with me forever. He is my guiding light and although I am poorer for having lost him, I am so very much richer for having him in my life for a short nineteen years. He will always play an important role in my life and he remains forever my son. Please remember him today and every day. Susan Matthew’s Mother
Posted on: Tue, 27 Aug 2013 06:59:46 +0000
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