Today I feel alive. That may not seem like much to most people, but to me it’s the most extroidanary feeling in the world. Almost three months ago I was pushed into a darkness that I hadn’t seen in myself in a decade. The actions of one man, and one man alone, took everything that was good in me, everything that was pure, was whole, and smashed it into a thousand pieces. I knew evil existed in the world, had seen its’ cold, hard grasp on others, but never had I had it grip me so profoundly, never had I had it covet me in such a way that I lost all aspect of who I was, all that I stood for, all that I promised I would be. On the outside I was me; smiling, joking…going about life the way I always have. Why? If I had such darkness in my tattered heart? Because I was a mother, and above all, my children needed to see the good in the world, the love, the opportunity for their pure souls that this world offers to them. But at night, while the house was dark, I would sit in my circle and scream to the Goddess, curse to the four corners – the Blessed Earth I walk on; the illusionary Heavens above me; the memory of the pacifying oceans; the torment of the eternals fires of damnation – that he who had wronged me, he who had taken the precious gift I had given him and crushed it into oblivion without a thought but for himself. He would feel my wrath, would feel the burn when his own marked soul was cast ablaze. I prayed for it with each candle I lit in his name; I dreamt of it with each nightmare that awoke me. I knew it would come slowly..all good things are worth the wait they say..but that satisfaction did nothing to quell the call of the dark path. A decade ago I walked such path; a single human with absolute depravity for her world, a soul so tortured she wished the same fate on everyone so they could feel for an instant the pain she was in. My path was night; absolved of any light. The thorns of my pain ripped at my flesh, pulling me apart until there was nothing left but a memory, and an eternal emptiness. But then it was there. Dim at first to the point I thought it an illusion, a cruel trick played upon me by the Gods. But it grew brighter with each breath and I could hear, ever so faintly, the whisper of my name on the pulse of energy it surrounded me with, the pureness it tried to bathe me in. I fought it, pushed it away, refused to believe that anything so beautiful, so magical, so pure could be permitted on the path I had chosen. But it stayed, unwavering, until I could no longer deny its existence, until I could no longer hide from the truth of its purpose, its power, its need. For it had come for me, to show me that I was never destined to walk a path in utter despair. It was there to teach me that for as long as I walked in the darkness it would be there to light the path for me, to show me that I am not alone, that there is something out there to protect me from the shadows. Many may ask how Chris and I make it work. The simple truth is that he is the Light to my Darkness. An eternal balance to one another as if the Gods and Goddesses had planned it long before our time on this earth. It is that belief, and that belief alone, that gets me through my darkest days. For I may always walk a path in Darkness, but I know now that there will always be a Light there to guide my way, a love so bright that I can never deny it, can never waver from it, for it will always be there. He will always be there. And I will never need walk such a path alone again. Blessed Be.
Posted on: Sat, 22 Mar 2014 20:19:38 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015