Today I had a memory.. of 28 years ago- This day, To date. A friday. How in Gods name did it know to resurface today.? This time every year, is never a fun transition. And ive not known why. But for years Ive felt this way. The memory is not a fond one,. Somthing that changed my entire fabric of the idea I had of happy family. Actually. One that was devistating for an 11 year old. but one I believe and now realize... has been one of the greatest missing links to the many years of self exploration.. for the answer lies within that day. That moment. When I thought I did something wrong. Where did she go?? The remnant of the experience branded me. I found a 1,000 ways to play out- that deep seeded belief... that was planted. that day... a 1,000 ways to run from me I created. I know NOW it has given me the gift to dig so deep into my life.to discover just what this all is.. to heal what hurt, to hurdle what was hard, to go as far as I can to find what im looking for. To stand up for what I feel. To revel in the beauty. The oppertunities. To share. Love and shine.. To get lost in what is beautiful and what inspires me. To let my fascination be my guide. To believe my hearts song.. and let it it sing any way. To run as fast as I can, till I fall flat on my face. Good times bad times.. All of it.. I had to do. I had to experience. I had to explore. Every place to look for.. what I allready am. And when I was 11 I lost a piece of something.. - naive & innocent . .a littlw something closed up inside. That actually: makes me complete. And 28 years later.. I realize. . I can have that piece back. I can be, and am grateful for that day. That turning tide. That time when what happened was not my choice. But the journey I have been on ever since has been.. and is. And it has shaped me. And where I am now. And would not trade it for anything. I love my life. I love my family. I embrace all all our imperfections.. and am learning to do that w me.. and in turn.. be the most honset pure self and soul. And I feel now.. this final veil can fall... I can see through it now. I forgive my self for the years of misunderstanding and all parts others played. I am free of this as I embrace the fullness of how it impacted my life.. and let go in Love. And feel gratitude. .. it shaped me.. like a high tide carves lines in a marsh.. its a part of me.. it made strong. From the inside out. It grew me like and oak. I accept that.. I embrace and oddly cherish it. Perhaps this IS a good friday. For 27 years.. It didnt feel so good about good friday. Im so relieved I can see clearly now. Not an easy realization. . But the greatest one to date. Transformative.. . I need a nap
Posted on: Fri, 18 Apr 2014 18:25:11 +0000
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