Today is November 17th, what would have been Vijays 66th Birthday. And so today, I am thankful for Vijay Borase. When I met Vijay I was not looking for another relationship. With the exception of my brother, the men in my life had been dominating and abusive. I was just beginning to discover who I might be in the absence of a controlling male and had no interest in taking what I perceived to be a step backward. Vijay was the vice president for one of the company’s divisions. He was Indian; exotic and different from any man I had ever known. He was educated, well off and incredibly good looking—what would he want with me and my two kids. He told me later that he thought I was cute—too tall, but cute. I had never been courted before. It was wonderful!! He was wise enough to see that I was emotionally fragile, and patient enough to give me time. When I finally said yes, he took me and my two young children and never looked back. Together we had two beautiful girls – a family of four kids, one cat, one dog, and a wonderful life. We loved passionately, fought passionately and lived passionately. When our youngest daughter was five, Vijay was diagnosed with advanced stage Hodgkin’s disease. A year of aggressive chemotherapy and radiation seemed to eradicate the cancer—although they never say cured, and we began our lives again. I think that because of the year we went through we were aware of how fragile life is and how quickly things can change. We became more forgiving of the small things and more appreciative of how lucky we were. Five years later Vijay was diagnosed with secondary leukemia—leukemia induced by previous chemotherapy treatment. There was/is no cure. When someone you love is struggling for their life, you don’t get to feel sorry for yourself. Not then. Later—definitely later, but at the time you have to be strong. I became Vijay’s advocate and I made sure that he was cared for with compassion and dignity. I learned all I could about myeloid leukemia and the possible treatments available. We spent hours together laughing and crying and saying all the things that people don’t often get the chance to say to each other. We made morbid jokes that others found horrible, but that we knew were the only way we were going to get through it all. I stayed with him until the very end. I wish we could have had more than fifteen years. But I know that there are people who are married a lifetime and never have what Vijay and I had. I would go through everything again even knowing the outcome. Vijay was a wonderful father. He loved all his children and never missed an opportunity to tell them how much. He believed in me and made me believe in myself. He encouraged me to go back to school, although he was appalled when I chose history over computers or engineering. He respected me and valued my opinions. He helped me to heal, and showed me what love is supposed to look like. As hokey as it may seem to some, when I think about Vijay, the lyrics to Because You Loved Me seem appropriate: You were my strength when I was weak You were my voice when I couldnt speak You were my eyes when I couldnt see You saw the best there was in me Lifted me up when I couldnt reach You gave me faith cause you believed Im everything I am Because you loved me ~ Diane Warren Haynes Thank you Vijay - What a difference you made in my life.
Posted on: Sun, 17 Nov 2013 14:47:36 +0000