Today is a 2 on a scale from 1-10. Putting it out there. I realize what a major trigger was for depression and that is PTSD. I caught myself saying I HATE when I loose stuff... and I would fly into this crazy rage. The rage had become worse in the last year so I really began to examine that rage. I worked the entire time after loosing 19 friends in a horrible fire. I kept saying Im OK... and I kept working giving the Starbucks Experience. Just as in years past, Disney Happiest Place on Earth...Warner Bros. Just Entertain...well thats not a good way to go through your off work life. Life happens and at Starbucks we are encouraged to connect, be authentic and embrace our community. But, what if it goes to far? I served these 19 gentlemen, I bought them their breakfast and coffee, I honor their commitment....I talked to them hours before they perished then I went to work the next morning before even having the opportunity to absorb the gravity of such a huge loss. I have never experienced anything like this before. Indeed it was uncharted territory. I DO HATE loosing things! I watched as the families buried their loved ones and came back to our store (right across the street where some of the 19 were buried). I disliked and have been ravaged by the faces of such pain, such emptiness and such devastating sadness. I saw their children, their brothers and sisters, spouses and parents, their school teachers, their neighbors, their mentors...I see them now still and it brings tears every time I do. My heart was broken that day. Sometimes we just have to grieve and NOT make everything be OK for everyone else. Sometimes we come first. Sometimes we have to try to make peace with a loss of such epic proportions. As with all customers, I connected because I genuinely care. I know the vacations that you plan, I know your spouses favorite drink, and I know that you bring your children through Starbucks as a treat because of the special Starbucks Experience that folks are looking for. In this case, I never got to mourn...to go to a memorial service or even just ball my eyes out after the initial news report. My heart still aches and I still see their faces and I really hate that they are gone. I cant make sense of it, even to this day. So today I will cry for them...I will cry for me because their are devastating consequences for putting up a wall and acting as if its all fine. Its not fine and it never was. Thats life on lifes terms.
Posted on: Sun, 19 Oct 2014 17:06:05 +0000
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