Today is a day of joy for so many. The holidays used to be my favorite time of the year. The last five years I have had to spend them without my daughters , who were the loves of my life and since we were very close and did many things together, so everything reminds me of them.But now they are dead to me , a death by divorce. It all started in 2006 when I was diagnosed with mono and what we now know was the beginning of my lyme. No tick bite or tick seen and quickly lead into advanced breast cancer. After a year of very aggressive treat I was in remission from cancer but continued to deteriorate physically. By 2008 I was in the hospital for a week with what we now know was lyme but my labwork was negative triggering the family debate as to whether I had Lyme disease or not. My daughters , now teenagers and on summer break ,refused to visit me and their always unsupportive father did not even encourage them to visit me which was the beginning of my heartbreak. Their father knew how sick I was and since lyme treatment was very expensive and most not covered by insurance , starting lying about me saying I didnt have Lyme , I was a drug addict , I was crazy and began an evil campaign against me. Of course being very ill and fighting for my life , I became hysterical when I had to fight my own husband , mother , siblings for treatment. The sicker I got , the worse the ganging up against me got. I eventually was so sick that my doctors told me I would die if I didnt leave that extremely abusive environment. My ex convinced my daughters that I was not physically sick and if only got the proper psychiatric treatment everything would be fine. No one should have to fight their own family for the treatment they need. Eventually it came to divorce. I came back to the house to try and protect my youngest daughter who had gotten involved with someone who was a bad influence . Instead of helping me get our daughter away from this person , my ex used him to gain favor and eventually custody of my daughter . Since that day over three years ago I have not been allowed one scheduled visit , night , weekend , holiday , included in one school or athletic event or even gotten one picture of either daughter. He had convinced them the divorce was my fault and I was crazy. I was a good mother to my daughters and nobody got more love or more of my life then they did. Unfortunately my ex never once taught my daughters of my value as a mother and I thought my loving actions would be enough for them to love me and care , but I was wrong. My heart was shattered by my alienation as a parent. Partly because of my exs lying and abuse and partly because the abuse cycle continues. I am still very sick and not making much progress in the fighting Lyme department, mostly because my heart has been broken and im slowly bleeding to death. I have kept in touch and sent presents to my daughters however in four years I have not received one present or even a card and not one holiday visit. My daughters have now become abusers and I can no longer hope and wait for them to see the truth. Sadly I would have given my life to any of them , until I learned my life meant nothing to them. All my parenting years as if they never existed. So since my daughters dont love me or care if I die I am announcing their death to me , so I can end the nonstop bleeding and hurt that they seem to enjoy torturing me with. Please dont criticize me. Until you have been betrayed and hurt and basically left for dead by your children , you can have no idea the intolerable pain and trauma I have endured at the hands of my daughters , guided by their abusive father , my mother and family who have seem to enjoy watching me slowly die as they help my abuser deliver the blows , never once defending my right to live or my rights as a mother. And of course if you ask any of them ,its all my fault. I didnt chose to be sick but I did chose to leave an abusive husband who refused to help me with the treatment I needed to survive and that is physical abuse not to mention breaking his marriage vows ,and extreme emotional and mental abuse leading to PTSD. So goodbye to my dead daughters , now maybe the bleeding from my shattered heart can stop ,, since you dont love me or care about me , now that I know you are never coming back , just maybe my healing can begin. I did not chose this path. All I wanted was to be your mother and love you but because I mated with and challenged the devil and you fell for his lies and betrayals and refuse to see the truth, I lost that opportunity.
Posted on: Thu, 25 Dec 2014 22:37:12 +0000
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