Today is the 23rd of July. 9 years ago my life changed forever when I tragically lost my son Bobby. That loss has changed me as a person. As you might imagine, losing a child feels devastating. It wrecks you, but somehow with the ruins God does some things to redeem the tragedy turning it into a collection of priceless treasures. I am not thankful that I lost my son, or that my family and I went through the trauma associated with that loss. There’s a lot that I am thankful for, and that’s what this list is, my priceless treasures. I am thankful for every moment we had with Bobby, from the moment we knew he was coming until the the las moment we spent together, even the hard ones. He was a blessing, and every moment we had with him was a grace-gift. I am thankful that Bobby is safe in heaven, and that his struggle is over. Sure I wish he was here. I wish he was finished with college and preparing to marry and give me grandchildren, but I am grateful that he is with Jesus and that he has been spared possible hardship that I can’t imagine. I am thankful for the experience of knowing that God is present, even in moments that feel devastating. It’s hard to imagine, even harder to explain that when you can’s stop weeping, can’t breathe, can’t comprehend, God is there. Even when the heart is bitter and cold and angry, He is near. I am thankful for the depth of intimacy experienced with God through my experience of loss. I fought and blamed God, but ultimately collapsed in His lap to experience His love and sustaining grace poured out on me. I am thankful for the knowledge that tragedy & loss cannot devastate me. God is teaching me that who I am is defined by the condition of my inner-man, my spirit. This is the place where He lives, His sanctuary in me that is sealed by the Spirit of Truth. My identity and state of being are defined by the condition of my spirit. My outer man feels deeply the sense of devastation caused by tragedy, and that is real. But even when my world is collapsing around me, I am okay, because my inner man is eternally secured by God Himself. I am thankful for the way that God has expanded my capacity to feel and to love through my loss. Losing Bobby has made me more authentic and it has given me greater compassion for others, especially those who struggle and those who grieve. I guess I have always been tender-hearted, but losing a child introduced me to a whole new level of tender-heartedness. I am thankful for the work of forgiveness that God is doing in me. He is teaching me that I have been made a forgiver, just as Jesus is a forgiver. He is helping me to release myself, others and even God from things that have caused me pain. I am learning to let go of pent up emotions and to relinquish my hold on offenses. I am thankful that God has made me aware of the brevity of life and the importance of seizing the moment. I am more thankful for Garvisa and Brian than ever before. These two precious people mean so much to me, and even though we don’t always get along perfectly, we have one another, warts and all. I am thankful that I have learned that I can survive the unimaginable with the help of God and His people. I am so grateful for the people who have loved us through this time, for being surrounded by people who care and share in our loss, even now. Thank you! I am thankful that God has revealed to me the power of gratitude.
Posted on: Wed, 23 Jul 2014 14:51:11 +0000
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