Today on the Lasting Recovery blog: Are You Codependent? Learn to Set Boundaries. ift.tt/1eQGAXJ Codependent individuals put the feelings of others before themselves, setting aside their own needs in order to serve someone else. Codependent people typically do not set personal boundaries for themselves and cannot recognize boundaries set by others. Their behavior is based on sacrifice and a perceived obligation to help others fix their problems. They commonly work to protect others from the consequences of behavior and do things for others they are capable of doing themselves. Do you have codependent tendencies? Answer these 20 Questions to Find Out Compassion and codependence might be explained as opposites, because compassionate individuals control their own lives and allow others to do the same. Compassionate people have boundaries. The purpose of a boundary is to make clear separations between different turf, different territory. Boundaries define limits, mark off dividing lines. The purpose of having boundaries is to protect and take care of ourselves. We need to be able to tell other people when they are acting in ways that are not acceptable to us. We have not only the right, but the duty, to take responsibility for how we allow others to treat us. Some boundaries are rigid - and need to be. Boundaries such as: It is not OK to hit me, ever. and It is not acceptable to call me certain names. In recovery, it is not enough to set boundaries. Boundaries must be enforced. We need to be willing to go to any length, do whatever it takes to protect ourselves. It is impossible to have a healthy relationship with someone who has no boundaries, with someone who cannot communicate directly, and honestly. Learning how to set boundaries is a necessary step in learning to be a friend to ourselves. It is our responsibility to take care of ourselves - to protect ourselves when it is necessary. It is impossible to learn to love ourselves without defining ourselves as separate individuals in healthy ways. We must own our rights and responsibilities as co-creators of our lives. For more information, call Lasting Recovery : (858) 453-4315. Judy Saalinger , Ph.D., MFT, CAS Co-Founder & Executive Director Serving: San Diego , Carlsbad, Encinitas, Del Mar, La Jolla, Poway, Rancho Penasquitos, Sorrento Valley , La Mesa and Chula Vista as well as the rest of the nation.
Posted on: Thu, 14 Nov 2013 17:08:57 +0000
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