Today our baby GIRL is 24 weeks and 2 days old! Only 100 days to go!!!!! 100 days to go? Thats ridiculous!! Tomorrow down to double digits! Crazy....and SO exciting! So, Im just going to jump right in today and talk about our FIRST CLASS at the hospital last night! I dont know what I was thinking it would be, but I didnt think SO much would be covered in the first session! It was THREE HOURS of info, even going into labor position practicing and birthing techniques! Because our first session was with a physio and not a midwife, I thought wed just be talking about exercises for the mums to be etc, but we covered a LOT! I wish I could say I got a lot out of the class! I should of! But out of nowhere I entered into the class with a level of insecurity....over being the only non-male support parent! This was unusual for me, but right off the bat I felt uncomfortable and out of place! I didnt feel judged, but intimidated by the situation! I wasnt a dad, but I wasnt a pregnant woman either....and I didnt quite know where I fit in! The physio was LOVELY....but she constantly referred to mums and dads...and clearly I wasnt the mum she was always referring to! This wasnt her fault, we are the minority....and I suppose I just felt that a great deal last night! So strange, I dont really know how to explain it as normally Im so confident in my role as a parent-to-be and have had really had no issues! And its not like I was pining to be pregnant and wishing it was me in the position of the other woman! Not at all! It was more that I felt different- something that Im not used to feeling! Having my period certainly didnt help! I was oversensitive to begin with and from the start struggled to find my groove! We had to go around the room and introduce ourselves and while every other couple spoke individually, Chels spoke for both of us! Not that that was a bad thing! Its just that I was all ready to present myself to the group and I missed out on that chance! Again, Chels did nothing wrong AT ALL, it was no big deal, but from that moment on I felt passive and idiotic! Silly, isnt it! I suppose I was going into the class knowing we would be the minority, and I wanted to normalize myself as just as much as a parent as everyone straight away! I missed that opportunity, and as a result my confidence took a battering! Chels too was feeling very vulnerable when it came to some of the exercises we were doing! There was a sense of awkwardness and feeling silly for us both, an embarrassed self awareness and feeling of being on display that stopped us from completely relaxing! Naturally I left the class disappointed! In myself! I let Chels down as a support partner and let my inward insecurity win out of my pride as a mum- something that usually makes me ooze passion and purpose on every level! That was missing last night! The last thing I want is for Chels to feel that I wont be there to nurture her every single second when she is in labor! I feel that I may have caused doubt in her in my ability to do that because of my issues last night....and thats a horrible feeling! All I can do now is process my feelings from last night, and debrief on them so that I dont let them bombard me into hating on myself and have that inevitably come through into the next class! I want to go into the next class (thats not until November now) with being sure of myself and feeling nothing but relaxed, with a confident willingness to learn and be there for my wife! Ahhh, see friends- this journey isnt all roses and pure joy! There are inevitably things that crop up and take you by surprise! Last night did! Still, it takes more than what happened last night to make the happiness wane! At the end of the day we have a daughter on the way! And that makes my heart ALWAYS sing! So, Im taking last night for what it was and regrouping with a positive attitude! Onwards and upwards! Have a wonderful day friends! Thinking of you all!! xx
Posted on: Mon, 08 Sep 2014 20:12:54 +0000