Todays is one of those days where I honestly feel like giving up. The last five months have been like that. I know a lot of you all are so deep that you never feel like that and that’s cool. But as for me, there are some days when I go home or to whatever hotel in whatever city I’m in so hurt and so alone and so frustrated that I want to just throw my hands up and say “the heck with it.” Days like these, the enemy surrounds me with the fraudulent appeal of sin. There are some days that I have to beg for the mercy and grace of Jesus Christ to help me not to go back. Holy Ghost and all, I’m tired. I’m tired of being honest and and seeing it hurt me more than help me. I’m tired of loving people that would kill me in a heartbeat if they thought they could get away with it. I’m tired of working my butt of and being ethical in my profession and practically having to beg like a vagabond or a peasant to get the littlest thing done, but then watch liars and con artist cheat and steal and scheme and have the world roll the red carpet out for them as they do it. I’m tired of praying for people and forgiving people as they spit in my face with their betrayal and their backbiting. I’m tired of praying for people that hate me and are praying that I fall. I know we’re mature Christians and we’re not supposed to vent publicly but I’m tired of these weak kneed preachers who aren’t living anything telling us how easy this way is. I’m tired of these thieves in the pulpit prostituting the people of God and having them compromise their commitments to God and their families while the people eat it up but when I tell it like it is, the same people who told me to preach, condemn me for it. I’m tired of loving a blood brother who keeps trying to have me killed and I’m tired of searching for a father and a mother who don’t understand me and wouldn’t accept me if they had the chance. I’m tired. I’m tired. This is not a poem, this is not a cut and pasted story. This is Sharif right here in this hotel room in Augusta GA at 7:25 pm on Tuesday June 11, 2013 telling you this because if I don’t tell somebody, I’m gonna’ explode. I know somebody else is tired. I know somebody else besides me is worn out and just sick and tired of being sick and tired. I’m tired of knowing the way and knowing what to do and watching it seem like it amounts to nothing every time I do it. Pray, fast, cry, (yes man cry too, don’t front), pray, fast, lose weight, gain weight, cry, pray some more…and still nothing! What else is there to do??? What am I missing??? Where is the big lesson in all this confusion, and stress and frustration and isolation…where is the answer??? What is the riddle? I don’t know if there is one. Perhaps not. Perhaps I just have to suffer. I can’t give up though. I refuse to let that joker win like this. I have a place in glory. If I suffer the rest of my life, I know where I’m going. What I won’t do is pretend it’s easy. I’m tired of pretending it’s all good. I’m tired of pretending like I have this way of salvation and this way called Holiness all figured out. If nobody else admits it, I’m here to tell you, it’s not easy. Don’t even come at me with that lie about “well Jesus said His yoke is easy, it can’t be hard.” Jesus said what He puts on us is easy. He never said what the world presented would be easy. If it was that easy, we wouldn’t have needed the Holy Ghost. But I’m so glad I have Him because days like this, I would be lost without Him.
Posted on: Tue, 11 Jun 2013 23:35:39 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015