Tomorrow is the big day. After 5 rounds of chemo we find out if this rotten disease is slowing down or if we need to change our plan of attack on this cancer. I dont know if everyone is aware of the extent that this cancer has spread. Since October, Terry has hardly had a voice as there is a lymph node that is pushing on his vocal cords. There are two spots on his liver, some spots on his lung and one small spot on his right hip. He is being fed TPN for most of his caloric intake. I was told by our family doctor to end care for Terry and make him comfortable. How am I supposed to look at my husband and tell him that I am giving up on him and our little family?Each day I look for things to be positive about. Terry has moved from all liquid medication to pills again! He swallowed my lasagna last night! Score! Every day my husband still gets up and eats breakfast with Ben, and at night we lay in our bed as a family and I read Ben his bedtime book, say our prayers, and I tuck my boys in. How am I supposed to throw in the towel when every day Terry still fights. We have always said quality over quantity. As long as my husband can still hold me at night, we can laugh at Bens antics ,and I have my family under one roof, we have quality. Tomorrow I am not able to go with Terry as I have my own doctors appointments so we can figure out why I am having weekly migraines and other issues. My heart aches to be apart from him with such an important appointment, however, I know that I need to step back, ask for help when needed and allow his family to be involved/help. If I am down for the count I am useless to everyone around me. So I am asking for prayers and well wishes that we get decent news tomorrow! I want to be able to share positive news! I am not sure how much more bad news either of us can take.
Posted on: Thu, 08 Jan 2015 04:18:13 +0000
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