Tonight I lay here thinking of you. I get that I could not have changed the out come. I get that you had an internal conflict. I get that it was to much for you. I get you are screaming to the world, to me or anyone that cares to listen you are not gay. But what I dont get. What I dont understand in my limited view is how after over a decade of being together you could move him into the house not two months after you told me you were still in love with me, you just couldnt be because I was a woman and you were settling (for him). Even knowing what he was. How you could bring him to your school functions. How you could allow him around friends kids without telling them who he is. What he admitted to in court and the 13 year old boy he molested. How could you force me to see that day after day and be okay with it? How do you live with yourself? For a while my anger for you was directed at him. You did give me a huge target. A married pedophile screams hate me. And I admit my ego has taken a huge blow, you prefer to defend a pedophile to the world over being gay. Because I was your dirty little secret. I dont hate him. I wish I could hate you. I know at this moment in time I dont like you. I have no respect for your lies and deceit. You couldnt scream louder F you, .I hate you and I despise you. I wonder what I have done to you to warrant your hatred. Then I realize I havent done anything. This isnt so much about me as it is about you hating yourself. I realize the lies you have told our friends is so you can save face and justify what you have done. For the role I played in the way you feel I am sorry. I cant go back and change the choice we made all those years ago. What I can do is let go, move forward I am sure this is easier said than done.
Posted on: Fri, 07 Mar 2014 07:09:52 +0000
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