~ Tough LOVE Tuesday ~ the day I give it to straight ... with love of course! Its Thanksgiving & the scene goes like this: A perfectly cleaned & decorated house with lovely twinkly lights wound along lush boughs of green garland, from which holly berries are sprinkled throughout. Poinsettias, in large pots, flank the front door entryway, and small gatherings of mistletoe hang from door-frames throughout. A fire is dancing in the fireplace and the smells of pine, cinnamon and turkey float in the air. The kids are all well-behaved, dressed in their Sunday best, and playing respectfully together, sharing toys and stories. The in-laws are chatting politely and merrily with your parents, who are not critiquing one single thing about your home, cooking, or clothing choices. Your spouse is being the perfect host, carrying a silver platter of tall champagne flutes with golden bubble filled liquid and small handmade pastries. Joking easily with everyone and being attentive to all the tiny details he so often misses. Soft holiday music drifts through the air, highlighting and accenting the witty & delightful conversations coming from the small groups of friends and family gathered around the house. Suddenly there is an early bunch of carolers at the door, singing in angelic choir-trained voices, as a brisk dusk falls upon the picturesque neighborhood. Then its time for dinner. The food is Wolfgang Puck worthy and everything is ready exactly when it needs to be. After the incredible meal is consumed, everyone cheerfully chips in to help clean up and things are sparkly and shiny and all in their appropriate places in a matter of moments. Then everyone retires to quietly visit into the late evening hours, happy and satisfied and certain there has never been a more perfect Thanksgiving. Ever! Okay ... now snap out of it!!! No doubt all your holiday preparations are well underway ... and the stress is starting to creep in. Or hit you like a steamroller ... either way ... holidays and stress seem to go together, even if the image above is dancing blissfully in your head and heart. So ... as this week is gaining momentum towards that turkey dinner ... here is the one thing, the most important thing, you should have in your SELF tool-kit to keep it all together: Realistic Expectations! Yep! Thats it. Well ... thats quite a lot actually. Its huge! Because we all know how our expectations often exceed what is even possible ...and what complicates the matter is that no one else ... can see what our expectations are. So there is no way they could even try to meet them for us. And lets face it ~ most of us have at least one or two family members that could never meet them even if we gave them a complete set of instructions to do so. The stress and angst of the holidays often come from expectations unfulfilled. Expectations that had no business messing around inside our holiday planning to begin with. We are imperfect people, who come from imperfect families, who behave in imperfect ways, saying the most imperfect and inappropriate things sometimes. We will never have a perfect holiday. Theres no such thing. For anyone. We may get nearly perfect, sort of perfect, almost perfect ...but mostly well get ... perfect enough. And that is exactly perfect!!! So ease up on yourself and put away that fictional - although lovely - image of the holiday that is dancing in your head ...and set it aside when you are actually planning your Thanksgiving. No sense mucking up the waters by expecting the impossible. Enjoy what is. That being people will come to your home, or youll go to their home, and it will have been cleaned in a rush and isnt quite all decorated for the season yet. The Poinsettias are looking pretty droopy because everyone has forgotten to water them in the rush of the last few days. And although there will be the smells of pine, cinnamon, and turkey hanging in the air ... its quite likely that all three scents, together, will form some sort of putrid smell that resembles rotting lettuce. The children, all dressed in whatever you could get them to wear without a tantrum, are screaming at each other as they run through the house, fighting over a toy that none of them is actually currently playing with. The in-laws are busy avoiding your parents, who havent noticed because they are much too busy telling you how to cook, asking why you havent replaced your old tired furniture yet, or for that matter the shapeless dress youre wearing, that makes you look heavy. And not forgetting to mention also that green isnt your color. Your spouse, who said hes play host when the guests arrived, has snuck off with his second cousin to play Metal of Honor, leaving the tall glasses of champagne sitting on the counter. You kindly yell out to guests in the family room they are welcome to come help themselves. No one notices the carolers whove come to the door, because the holiday music was turned off long ago by the same person who found the TV remote and turned on the bowl game. All the men have gathered in front of the tube, while many of the women are off chasing unruly kids. Dinner is on the table half an hour late. The turkey is a bit dry, the potatoes undercooked, and you completely forgot to take out the green salad youd made earlier in the day. Oh well. Afterwards, everyone but your mother-in-law and mother, suddenly disappear - just when the clean-up is at hand - and you spend the next two hours listening to the two mothers politely argue about the proper way to wrap up leftover turkey. Shortly after you taking a couple Tums and an aspirin, your guests start to gather their things and bid their farewells. This is the first time all night youve not been stuck in the kitchen, or running back and forth to get this or that, and now no one is left to visit with. Except for your in-laws and parents, who seem to have an unspoken competition going to see who will be the last leave. But all this craziness is how it works in your family, and everyone elses family, and it just wouldnt be the same without the mess and fuss and pain in the ass of it all. Because no Thanksgiving has ever been perfect in your entire life ...so why go messing with imperfection now? Happy Thanksgiving. Take care of you. ~ Lisa
Posted on: Tue, 26 Nov 2013 12:00:01 +0000
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