Transcript of Quarterly Meeting of Teague Ranch Residents Those Present: Don Teague (human), Brewster (Donkey), Pegaso, Legado, and Cowboy (horses), Yeager and Batman (sheep), Elvis and Vera (dogs), Sheila (deer representative), Foo-foo (rabbit representative), Vladimere (a communist raccoon), Pete (squirrel representative). Suspiciously absent: Coyote representative, Hog representative Date: January 1, 2015 Me: “I suppose you’re all wondering why I’ve called this meeting today.” Brewster: “On a holiday? Yeah, what’s up with that? Do we get time and a half for this?” Me: “You don’t get paid.” Elvis: “We outta have a meeting about that…hmmmm baby. Working for free ain’t right…thank you very much.” Vladimere: “Capitalist oppression of the workers, if you ask me.” Me: “Nobody asked you Vlad. And what work? You all just laze around here or tromp through the woods. That’s not work.” Yeager: “Oh yeah? Let’s see you digest stink weed. It’s work.” Vera: “So is rolling in dead stuff. And barking.” Sheila: “And it’s still deer season, ya know. How’s about I shoot at you with a scoped rifle while you’re having your morning coffee? Don’t even get me started about rutting…it’s work.” Cowboy: “At least you CAN rut, Sheila. We still haven’t been compensated for…well, you know, what the humans did to us.” Me: “What?” Batman: “Getting us fixed.” Me: “You were fixed when we got you.” Legado: I wasnt. Pete: “You’re all fixed? That sucks.” Foo-foo: “I’m not fixed. I breed like a rabbit.” Legado: “You are a rabbit, Foo-foo.” Foo-foo: “That’s Bunny Foo-foo to you.” Legado: “Whatever. I was supposed to be a stallion … but now I’m just a gelding. This getting fixed thing is uncool.” Me: “Look, that’s my wife’s thing. She has everything fixed.” Vlad: “Even you?” Me: “That’s none of your business.” Vlad: “OMG!!! She got you fixed, too?” Me: “I didn’t say that. I said it’s none of your business.” Brewster: “Which means she fixed you, too.” Vlad: “HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!” Me: “Can we stop obsessing about getting fixed?” Vlad: “Not yet. HA HA HA HA HA!!! Okay, I’m done.” Me: “I don’t even know why I try. Meeting adjourned.”
Posted on: Fri, 02 Jan 2015 01:08:53 +0000
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