Trying to Escape an Awakening I had just been through two entirely sleepless nights, and three days of live rattlesnake and imaginary spirit hauntings. The need to leave had been building for days but the decision to do so was made abruptly just before dinner. We decided to eat and then pack, so that we left after dark. I somehow thought that upon crossing the boundary marking the property line of the sacred land trust, that I would leave the ‘craziness’ behind me. As we came in sight of the camp sign and drove under it, I breathed a true sigh of relief. For about ten minutes I stayed in that state of exhausted respite. Then the dirt road we were traveling on crossed a gully, and my head whipped around to the right. A ghostly figure was sitting there waving at me as I passed. It looked like a cowboy mounted upon a ghost horse. I decided in desperation that getting out of these back roads into the paved ones was the key to escaping. I found myself leaning forward and urging the minivan to speed up, although my husband was driving and couldn’t really go any faster. It was an unpaved dirt road and we were already bouncing and sending up clouds of dust. When we crossed onto the rural road I froze, listening carefully to the night. It seemed quiet, but I didn’t trust it anymore. I kept peering everywhere for ‘signs’. We drove a ways and turned onto the main road, and all was still calm. We made it to the nearest town and pulled into a gas station to fill the tank and make a few cell phone calls. We’d been out of range all weekend. I called my sister and said we’d be passing through town on last minute notice. I said we could get a hotel but she insisted we stay there, regardless of how late we arrived. That became my ‘lifeline’. I just had to get there. We changed places so I could drive. I was beginning to relax again. Then just when I let down my guard, as I was pulling forward to exit, I saw them – two more figures by the gas station sign. One reminded me a little of a giant ‘Gumby’. I was still going crazy. I began arguing with myself. What was I thinking, driving in this state?! But I could still think, follow the rules of the road, even make good decisions for the kids like insisting they use the restroom and drink fluids. My husband has a dislocated lens in one eye and no lens in the other, which suffered a retinal detachment a year earlier. His night vision is poor. I could drive. I should drive. Wait! – I might be going crazy! What was I thinking, driving in this state?! This argument went on in cycles in my mind. I headed down the state highway. We passed a sign showing a turnoff for a state park and petroglyphs. A giant imaginary neon arrow was next to it, flashing red-orange, on and off, on and off. It was floating in the air. I had the strangest reaction. Exhausted and distraught, driving a car full of unhappy kids in the dark, I considered turning off and heading there. I even began signaling a right turn. It felt inexplicably like the road ‘home’, even though I’d never passed this way before. I could imagine finding rest there. My husband noticed and asked jokingly if I was thinking of doing some sightseeing now? I shocked myself back to ‘sense’. I made up some lame story about how I felt bad about dragging the kids away from camp a day early and it would be fun to see petroglyphs sometime, but not this late at night. I said I just wanted to see if there was information about it, for future reference. I turned off the signal and we drove on. Soon we passed another tourist sign for a replica of Stonehenge. My whole body turned as we passed. I found myself leaning towards it. I commented aloud that there was a lot to see here, and maybe we should return some other time to visit. Next I saw a sign for the Lewis & Clark Highway. I really wanted to take it…even though just across the river was an interstate highway, certainly the faster route. I was being inundated with clues, spiritual messages, but I didnt understand that or know how to interpret them, and each one just increased my panic. I began chanting to myself that I must be ‘logical’. We took the highway. Our drive proceeded in that same unreal state. We followed the Columbia River west along the Oregon Trail. I saw a giant many stories high rising out of the ground across the river near a factory. His torso swiveled around as we passed. I thought at least he looked friendly. Then I spent ten minutes picking on myself for that thought. “It doesn’t matter if the world is full of spirits that look like characters from haunted houses, Star Wars, the Muppets, Dr. Seuss, Pokémon, Oz, Miyazaki, Disney, Lord of the Rings, comic books and mythology - or if I just THINK it is. Crazy is crazy. Who cares if my delusions look friendly or threatening? The key is to stop seeing them at all!” The weather kept changing. The sky would clear and the moon show, then mist would roll in ten minutes later obscuring everything. I would be completely calm and half an hour later tremendous gusts of wind were rolling down the gorge trying to push our car out of its lane. I’d planned to hurry but found myself slowed down even below the speed limit. It felt personal, like I was being trapped in this valley. We hadn’t driven through this area before. I told myself this must be normal weather for this region, but I didn’t believe it. I kept hearing calls, kept seeing shapes, feeling my skin prickle to the base of my spine. I began playing the car music louder and louder and singing along, trying to focus only on the road and the songs. It felt like the gorge went on forever, as if it was stretching out longer and longer. We spent hours driving through, but it really felt like days. Finally I pulled over at a rest area and let my husband drive despite his night vision. I decided to sleep in the car, as if that was possible. It wasn’t. Even with my eyes closed I still felt the tingles and warnings. I settled for squinting my eyes at the dashboard and blocking out everything else that I could. At last we arrived in the city. We drove up to a familiar house with smiling faces, hugs, and warm beds. As we walked inside and the door closed behind us, I chose to feel ‘safe’. This was what I considered my ‘last hope’. I thought if I could just sleep, maybe I would wake up feeling normal and realize that my visions were just delusions brought on by the cold, sleeplessness, and stress. I’ve always chanted things to myself when I wanted to make them come true. That night I chanted, “I just need sleep. I just need sleep. I just need sleep.” By that I meant that sleep would fix everything. Ive always believed that nothing is real and fixed until you fix it in your mind. This still really could all just be my imagination. I didn’t even brush my teeth. I said please wake me up at 9am, and I finally did fall asleep. It was the beginning of seven nights in a row of dreaming the past, current, and future events in the lives of people I knew. I was shown times in their lives as if I was a passenger in their body, unable to alter their course, unable to make myself known to them, unable even to escape the dreams. I entered each scene and couldn’t leave until it was completed. Each evening I dreamed of another person close to me, through a night-long sequential series of their emotional moments… (Hallow ~ December 18th 2013, reflecting back on August 2012) Find more stories at https://facebook/ChaosKrakens Clipart - Emergency exit sign
Posted on: Sat, 18 Jan 2014 06:50:24 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015