Tsering Paljor Lama, July 6, 1990 - October 17, 2013. Ive been standing at the edge of the Budhi Gandaki river for the past year, looking for your face to emerge from the water. I have played out all of the possibilities, from all of the angles. I have wondered if there was more I could have done. Or done differently. This is how trauma works, I guess. Its not rational. Its not healthy. It leaves you helpless. But I found that there is only one way out: in and through, with a whole lot of help. I have carried your heart with me all over the world. I have told your story as best I can, with all of my faults and delusions and pain. I still hear you singing Hotel California, and I would give anything to spend another day on the trail with you. Or better yet, to sit down with you and your brother and your mom and share stories around the fire. In this cosmic fantasy, my sister is there too. Maybe someday. Who knows whats possible, right? I certainly dont. But this week, something finally let go. I didnt let go. I was let go. Floating down stream now. Away from the whirlpool.
Posted on: Fri, 17 Oct 2014 13:11:19 +0000
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