UPDATE: Probably will be lengthy Words cannot express how thankful I am for Amanda and Jennifer keeping up with information on the WarPouncey community page. Days like Tuesday and Wednesday make it difficult for me to share what’s going on. I have been blessed by so many people who are out on the front lines, and who are behind the scenes, encouraging and assisting me. In a private conversation with two of those prayer warriors, I admitted to not being of a sound enough mindset to be able to share my thoughts in print. The kind words of encouragement and prayers of these people (and many others) have helped me find clarity amidst recent test results. To steal my sister’s words, “Derek had a PET/CT scan done on Friday before he started his first round of treatments and an MRI on Monday. The MRI was done because his wrist has been sore and swelling since Easter weekend. His initial thoughts were it might be carpal tunnel, but given everything that’s happened over the last 6 months he decided it was time to tell his doctor what was going on. His Doctor called this week with the findings and it wasn’t the news we had hoped for. The MRI showed a large, aggressive lesion on his wrist. Due to the size of the lesion it’s already “eaten” away 50% of the ulna bone. He’s at an extremely high risk for a fracture because of this, so Derek will have to undergo another surgery to stabilize the bone to keep it from breaking. When the surgery is performed they will biopsy the lesion to determine if it is melanoma or not, but it is without a doubt metastatic. Until surgery, he is to have very limited use of his right hand and must keep it immobilized. This obviously poses a challenge to Derek because he’s right handed and it’s his right wrist. Even though he has to have surgery, his doctor did say that she will NOT stop treatments, so that is good news. The PET/CT scan revealed activity in a lymph node in his leg area, as well as, several small spots in the bottom portion of his lung. Again, this was done before treatment, so we are hopeful that his treatments will work! Thank you all for your messages, calls, texts, and most importantly prayers. Please pray for Derek as he faces new challenges prepares for surgery, and that he continues to have minimal side effects from his treatments. –Jennifer”. For the past few months, I have put my best foot forward. I have worked hard to try and share the things that are going on with this battle. People have said kind words. People have called me courageous, inspiring, etc. Tonight, I admit that I have fallen apart recently. I have cried myself to sleep, and have been unable to focus my mind on much of anything other than the monster that is inside me. If a good general doesn’t show fear or weakness in the face of his enemy, then I am lacking in that arena. Talking to people closest to me has helped to remind me that I can’t continue to try and get my life back the way it was. The fact is that my life has changed forever, and frankly, that has shaken me to the core. As I looked at the X-Ray yesterday, and the doctor was explaining to me about how my bone was destroyed, and I was now “highly fragile”, and “extremely susceptible” to a break, everything seemed to hit me like a rolling wave. “Weak”, “fragile”, “highly susceptible to being broken”, are not words that I am used to having people use to describe me. I suddenly felt as if cancer was beating me. Two things come to mind tonight, as I try to find a way to make myself go to sleep. I’m reminded of Psalm 116 (Thank you Jamie and Jodi!) and I am reminded of the devotion my mother shared with me today. The devotion was entitled “Experiencing Hope Through His Presence” from Jesus Today, by Sarah Young. The devotion reads as follows: “I want you to learn the secret of being content in any and every situation. Contentment training is a challenging process; it is learned through enduring a wide range of difficulties. You thought you were fairly advanced in this training, but then the circumstances in your life got harder. On some days you were able to cope well with your hardships. On other days you just want out! I am here to help you with your other days. Begin by acknowledging how frustrated and upset you are feeling. Pour out your heart to me! Simply releasing your pent-up feelings does you a world of good. Knowing that I hear and understand encourages you even more. Ask ME also to increase your awareness of My Presence with you. Continue talking to ME and listening in the depths of your spirit for My response. Cling to helpful scriptures; bathe your mind and heart in them. Finally, sing praises to Me. This will lift your spirits like nothing else. It is good to sing praises to My Name; to declare My loving kindness in the morning and My faithfulness every night.” I sure thought I knew what contentment was, and how I was going to handle this battle before. I was going to stand firm, with an iron-set jaw, and dare cancer to make me blink. Tonight, I have a better understanding that it is ok to feel weak, to feel overwhelmed, and to cry out to God for his mercy and help. This battle isn’t going to be about my stubbornness; it isn’t going to be about me standing firm and not showing fear. This battle is about getting up after each punch, lacing up the ol work boots, and putting one foot in front of the other the next morning. Coach McCain reminded me today that God doesn’t put more on us than we can handle… He just knows I can handle a little more. Thanks for taking the time to read this friends. Have a good weekend, and be blessed. Derek
Posted on: Fri, 16 May 2014 03:50:14 +0000