UPDATE WITH MY SONS .... praise the Lord that todays lunch with Alex and Mathew went better than expected, despite the awkward, uninvited presence of their mother for the first 10 minutes. Alex was a little more talkative than usual ... and his hair and complexion looked a lot better than 4 months ago, when I last saw him. Mathew is developing into a well-spoken, articulate young gentleman who is still searching for a direction in his life. We talked about Alexs love of books (real paper books), movies and science fiction, and even exchanged a couple of jokes (Why couldnt the Seven Dwarfs couldnt get into the bar? Because they were MINERS!) Alex seems to love Whos Line Is It Anyway and just saw Mystery Men for the first time, so we had some common ground for funny discussions! Alex is apparently attending some kind of weekly dance class for ballroom and traditional dance, and is really enjoying it, so hopefully this will boost his confidence, popularity and his general demeanor (hes usually looking DOWN all the time, at least around me). I told both of the boys I loved them more than anything ... and I would ALWAYS be available for anything they needed - any time! I told them I really missed them a lot, and hoped we could get together more often. As a snapshot of the problems of my normal relationship with my son, their mother had invited herself ... made me walk to her SUV to retrieve a family heirloom photo and crucifix ... asked me why I chose THIS time to ask for the photo back ... telling me she took it off her wall to return it ... and then she came back to the table while I took the photo to my van. When I returned, she was already sitting at the table with a drink. And for the next few minutes, Alex only talked to HER .... not me! Our little photo exchange could have been accomplished ANY other time - but this is another example of her micromanaging and obsessive control of ANY situation with Alex. Her presence served NO positive purpose besides her subliminal domination over my son and relationship (or lack of) with his loving Dad. Once she left, we managed to start a positive dialogue and conversation among the three guys, and it was an excellent lunch, but my friends should understand how I cannot penetrate her wall around Alex, and pray that Alex will see the emotional prison he occupies, and take steps to escape! TO MY 100+ FRIENDS who liked, commented or private messaged me yesterday when I was a stressed, emotional mess, GOD BLESS YOU ALL ... you were exactly what I needed! And especially to Dani Cochran McHenry, who has been a rock of support and patience by my side thru this whole traumatic process. I read every comment, and read them again, so you were a HUGE help in facing this meeting today! I stayed on the high road, and carried myself exactly how a model Dad should carry himself. I managed to avoid eye contact with the ex the entire time, and kept the conversation to the bare minimum while she made it clear that she was making room in her busy schedule to deliver Alex to this lunch for me! I asked the boys to please get together more often, and I received a positive response (although I got the same response four months ago from Alex, and didnt hear a word from him for four months). So I keep praying ... waiting ... hoping ... Facebook can be a wonderful resource, and I have the greatest group of FB friends in the world ..... THANK YOU ALL!!! Thanks for sharing the good times and the not-so-good times with me! Merry Christmas every one!!!
Posted on: Sun, 21 Dec 2014 19:37:38 +0000
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