Update 10/6/14 Melba (Gigi) and Jack Tyler are Wests great grandparents. Jack passed away last Sunday, another loss of a decent and loving person that our family did need. For one reason or another I never did get to meet Jack and I regret this dearly. But I was at Jacks funeral today in Fresno and at the same time was reunited with my son, West, who I have been separated from for over a week. In spite of the excitement and joy I felt at seeing West again, today was also one of the sadder days I have had in a very long time. Jack and Melba were together for over fifty years. As the video memorial for Jack played, and I watched the images of Jack and Melba over the years, the children, grandchildren, and great children that they helped to cultivate, I couldnt help but grieve for the fact that I had always hoped that this was how my life with Melissa would one day, a long time from now, might be memorialized. West couldnt sit through the funeral, so my little man and I stood in the back of the chapel. I felt a profuse sense of sadness drawn up from within while watching Jack and Melbas life together. What I was feeling was brought home to me at the end of the film with some beautiful images honoring Melissa. The mosaic rocked me. I stood at the back of the chapel crying, holding my son who was chewing on his fingers, and missing my wife. At the funeral, Melba thanked me for coming. I know that what she meant was that she knows that I am caring for my wife and that my life is busy and complicated. Nonetheless, I was caught off guard by this, because it never occurred to me not to come to the funeral. After the funeral I spoke to my friend John Habermehl. I told John how I was feeling. John reminded me that in the face of tragedy we have to remember that we no more now what the future holds than we did before the tragedy. How we feel today cannot predict what life will be like in a year. I also took from what he told that, in tragedy, if face it well, we also become open to new people and new opportunities. While what may come after loss may not be what we had planned for, it does not mean that this life will not be good or even great. John is absolutely right and Melba is an example of loss can be pregnant with new opportunities for love. I love you Melba. Even though I knew you before my life changed forever, you came into my life again as Wests great grandmother, his Gigi, and maybe his favorite person. West has his first cold and, by kissing him, you were still able to make him smile. You have loved West and I well, unconditionally, and at great sacrifice to you and your family. Without you West would not have the kind of regular maternal presence that Melissa would have wanted for West. In turn, by loving and caring for West you have helped me to care and love for my family. Life after Melissas coma has not been filled only with sadness and a closed future. You have helped make Wests and my home happy, full of fun, and hope for our future. I know how hard you cared for Jack as struggled with MS and you have been a living model to me for how strong I can be for Melissa and for West. I could not have imagined that I would be anywhere else today than with you, your sisters, your children (Lawanna, Lisa, & Randy) and the whole of your family. I am honored to be part of your family. I hope that West and I could give back to you just a fraction of the love and comfort you have given us. With love and gratitude, Brian, Melissa, and West
Posted on: Tue, 07 Oct 2014 06:22:46 +0000
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