Use of Force Legal Issues Part 9 Personal Boundary Enforcement – Part 1 Ideally, if you are paying attention to your surroundings and looking for any indicators that a potentially violent situation could be developing, you will either be able to change the bad guy’s mind by appearing to be a hard target and have him go elsewhere or you will be able to take actions that allow you to counter his positioning tactics and evade the engagement entirely. However, if avoidance becomes impossible and engagement of some sort is imminent, this is where Verbal Boundary Enforcement fits in. If he is closing you will need to identify your personal boundaries and clearly communicate to the possible bad guy in some form that his violation of distance etiquette is NOT welcome and that he needs to stop and back off or go away. There are a few ways to do this but in order to effectively enforce boundaries one needs to understand the social dynamics of what personal boundaries are, how to identify them according to defined Personal Space and Shared Space, and make sure that your behaviour remains assertive when dealing with the other party and does not move into invading behaviour, which can actually provoke the altercation into being physical when it otherwise might not have devolved to that extent. So, what are boundaries? Well, there are tangible boundaries and invisible boundaries. Tangible boundaries are physical. You can see and touch them, point to them, such as walls, fences, doors, etc. Invisible boundaries are conceptual. They may not be tangible but we can still clearly identify them. Personal Space is the primary concept we will deal with here. What space belongs to you and only you? Most people would agree that morally, socially, and legally your body and the immediate space around it is yours and yours alone, to also include your thoughts and emotions. Any physical space that you own or hold sole occupancy over such as a room, apartment, house or vehicle would also fall within the personal space category. At the same time, are there places where the defined borders of your personal space may change? There certainly are. In public everyone operates in a mutually shared environment or Shared Space. This is any common area outside of our own personal space that allows everyone there to benefit and fulfill life’s extra needs. Here your personal space has to adapt to interact with other people’s personal space as we all move through the same Shared Space to facilitate our own lives, as well as the development and continuity of communities and society in general. Shared Space can include anywhere we Gather, Work, Socialize, Shop, Travel, or take care of any other necessities. It can also be social groups or individual relationships, such as sports teams, work committees and marriage or any committed relationship between two or more people. In Personal Space you are the boss but in Shared Space your exercise of Personal Space is altered to interact with others according to socially accepted standards. This means Shared space requires mutual input and compromise. It imposes responsibilities and rules that involve various social conventions and agreements, most of which are determined by cultural norms and involve unconscious adherence. The majority of these rules and responsibilities are designed to prevent the violation of personal space, while both parties are in shared space. Ignoring these rules and responsibilities is an easy way to piss people off and start a confrontation. Therefore, as a base tenet, you cannot treat Shared Space as if it were your own Personal Space. The rights and privileges that you hold in Personal Space do not all transfer to Shared Space, though some of them do remain intact but must flex to accommodate others moving through the same Shared Space as you. Distance Etiquette is a good example of this in practice. When there is ample space available it is expected that people, especially strangers, will not invade your personal space within so many feet, such as a parking lot, grocery store, or elevator. However, the more people there are present that must fit into the same space the closer it becomes acceptable for people to be in proximity to you, all the way up to shoulder to shoulder touching. These often unspoken rules are recognized by society and individuals across the board according to each society’s defined standards. Some people will intentionally abuse Shared Space by treating it as their own and not making concessions to take others into account. A couple of simple examples would be someone playing their music extremely loud while pumping gas or a group of individuals walking down a sidewalk that refuse to tighten up or shift their formation to allow someone else moving in the opposite direction to be able to stay on the sidewalk and instead forcing them to either move out of the way entirely or end up colliding and possibly sparking an altercation. Other examples could be multiplied: Roomates who keep common areas trashed with their own dirty dishes and dirty clothes, etc; co-workers who post potentially offensive material in view of everyone, knowing there are others who are sensitive to it; or people cutting in lines, whether it is a theatre, cafeteria, or convenience store. Another aspect of Personal Space and Shared Space interacting is the moral component. I must understand and recognize what I should and shouldn’t do to others and what I should and should not tolerate others doing to me or to those I love and care for. This is the foundation for effective interaction with other egos and, though it is something that we conceptually identify, it might as well be written in the stone tablets that most of us are so familiar with. It is tangible to the mind and violations will generate visceral emotional responses that often culminate in violent physical actions. This means you must be able to identify your Personal Space as well as that belonging to others. Boundaries work both ways. What keeps people out of my yard keeps me out of theirs. The Golden Rule still applies. What should not be done to me by others should not be done by me to others. This is where victims will often show their inherent weaknesses. They tend to have no clearly established boundaries dictating what they won’t allow others to do to them. They are not committed to valuing themselves enough to become comfortable and proficient with the Uncomfortable Art of Confrontation. They are normally passive, non-assertive, avoid disputation at all costs, and lack the self-esteem and confidence necessary to motivate them to launch an assertive defense of what is theirs and who they are. In addition, they often don’t even understand what a healthy personal boundary is and may not be able to articulate why we should even have them. These things are particularly common in those who have not been prepared for the excessive bullying or personal attacks that can occur amongst peers as well as in Intimate Partner Violence relationships where the female may have lost all sense of self identity apart from her abuser. Ultimately, many victims simply lack the resolve required to enforce personal boundaries in the face of intimidation or threats that may result in shame and / or physical harm. On the flip side, those who are now comfortable with confrontation and are prepared to enforce their personal boundaries have to make sure they toe a fine line. We’ll talk about that in the next installment and cover specific examples of verbal boundary enforcement, applying the Reactionary Gap and when to transition to physical enforcement of your boundaries.
Posted on: Tue, 28 Jan 2014 04:59:43 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015