Usually people post their business on social media, but not me. What I post is usually what I feel. Not whats gong on in my relationship or personal life. I look on Facebook and Instagram and see people posting what they leaving behind this year. I been doing a lot of thinking the past few days. I want to get a lot off my chest to everybody. Cant do it one by one but I will post this as a relief off my back.....I AM NOT OFFENDING ANYONE!!! THIS IS MY FEELINGS. PLEASE UNDERSTAND. IF YOU WANT TO TALK TO ME ABOUT THIS IN PERSON WE CAN. I WOULD LIKE TO. Growing up I was always in situations. Usually bad. I Would get lied on. For instance someone would tell someone I said something that I didnt say. Its been happening for years as a kid. My dad used to be so mad at the kids on our street. We stayed in drama. He said she said, fights, not talking for a couple days. At that time I was all about friends. I always wanted to go outside regardless how I was treated. I had two friends I hung with both sisters. One had a smart mouth and always got smart with me. I wouldnt say anything back but I continued to be her friend. At that time I hated loosing friends. I got another friend and people always told her why do she hang with me because I was ugly. She always said I was her friend and She didnt care what I look like. But of course we had our ups and downs. Like the time I accidentally locked her out her house. She was mad at me for days. Wouldnt talk to me. At the time I was upset and sad, but now I feel she was overreacting. I also remember feeling left out a few times, but I never said anything. I felt like a puppy. Did stuff I didnt want to do, but now we barely talk. Not in a bad way, but just gotten older. We hung out with two dudes as friends. I was always the friend. NOT LYNELLE. They made fun of me. Called me names. At the time whatever hairstyle she had I copied. Got my hair done a lot so I would feel pretty and boys would look at me like they did her. I would have new neighbors move next door to me and of course there was boys. I had a crush on them they had a crush on her. I wanted that attention. I was the type of kid people picked on me. Mostly because I hung with this person they didnt like. I was always put in the middle. Back when I was about 14 this girl had hit me but I didnt do anything about it. Yea I got made fun of. Then there was three sisters that moved on my street. Always got into arguments with the two sisters I was cool with. Of course I was stuck in the middle of everything. I remember the fight between the one sister and the two sisters cousin. I dont think I have one good memory living on this street since I was 3. Continuous drama. At one point of time no one was talking to me. I remember being called horrible names. I had male friends at a young age and I was called hoes and etc. I guess females wasnt allowed to have male friends. It was always me that got picked on. I remember lying for my friends because they wanted me to so they wont be in trouble. Got my secrets told. Took advantage of me. Every time I had candy or had a baby with me everybody wanted to talk to me. When ever we play hide and seek they would always make me it and make fun of how I couldnt catch no one. Petty stuff. I have made people mad. Would be mad at me for days, wouldnt speak to me, tell me they would stop being my friend. I let it ALL slide. Even the few people I talk to now. Most people wonder why I keep to myself. This is not even half of the story but enough to understand. The older I got the less and less I spoke to people. To the point now I keep to myself. I had a close friend who turned on me, along with a few other people. I dont see any of them the same way and never will. If I see anyone I would speak. When I talk to each person I remember all the memories. I want to forget, but thatll be impossible. I dont hate anyone. Now that I’m older I just want to be with the two people that is important to me and I take care of. My past messed up my confidence to the point whenever a dude Try to talk to me and get my number I feel uncomfortable, I was turned down so many times I thought I would never have anyone. I would be the same kid from the block forever, Which is probably why I was so terrified to ask my boyfriend out that I have now. I am so insecure with him. Why do he like me. Im ugly? Maybe its my personality. He calls me beautiful, smart, a good cook, etc.....I want to see what he see. Badly. I can say Im happy. Got my own little family. What I always wanted. To have someone to love me for who I am regardless of my insecurities. Ill work on it. Itll be hard but I will. I will teach my son to love himself and not care what anyone has to say. To not care about looks because the prettiest girl can be the meanest. When I have my daughter I will show her all the things about her that are special. Never feel like she need attention. To love herself, and never settle for less. All my children will feel and be beautiful inside and out. Never let anyone bring you down. BE HAPPY!!! Im not trying to offend anyone. Please understand. Again if you want to talk we can.
Posted on: Thu, 01 Jan 2015 00:13:17 +0000
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