Usually when Nick has something coming up I always post letting you know what he will be doing and more importantly ask for your prayers. I think about what Im posting and it is always from my heart. This one is no different but may be more honest about how I feel about our journey. The past few days friends have shared some great stories about the cancer journey and going through it as a Mom. Sometimes I hear, I dont know how you do it, I could never do what you do, you are so strong I do what I do because I have to, you would never want to do what I do, and I am strong because I have no choice not to be! Honestly, the only reason I am able to get out of bed in the morning is because of Gods grace. If I allowed myself to think about the monster that has entered our life and what our beautiful boy has had to endure because of it, I would never get out of bed! I dont always want to be strong, I want to fall apart everyday. There is not one minute of the day that Nick is not in my thoughts, I wish they were all beautiful, fun thoughts! But they are not, they are of losing him, scared beyond scared that our beautiful boy could possibly not beat this, YES thats honesty at its best. Im actually afraid when someone asks, how are you? I always say good because I have to be or I wouldnt be able to get through each day. Nicholas goes back to Sloan Monday for his simulation, followed by 4 weeks of radiation and inside Im screaming to leave our boy alone, has he not had enough done!!! This journey has brought so many wonderful people into our life, and some people have not been there as much, maybe its scary or hard for them to be around me. Its a journey I have learned so much from, good and bad. Its a journey none of you would ever want to travel. But God has put us on this road, the scary thing is you cant take a turn off the road, nope you need to stay on it and finish!! Fighting the fight for our beautiful boy, stopping when God says its time to stop. Praying the end results is a beautiful 9 year old boy who had cancer, fought very very hard, and won!!! Grows up to be a man of God who will use this as his testimony, and a great one it will be. Please be praying radiation is easy on his body and that his body handles it well so there is no stem cell transplant needed.
Posted on: Sat, 20 Sep 2014 01:37:39 +0000