Vylette Rose Grace was sleeping on my couch during the weekend of a leather conference in Denver. Shed have had a very long drive otherwise. She wasnt quite awake one morning when she looked over her shoulder, eyes not yet focused, and thought that Parable of the Sower was actually Prairie of the Taints. She made a comment to that effect a couple of days ago on another post and someone else said that was a book shed read just for lulz. I remembered Dr Dementos Battle of Irving and wrote this: - Prairie of the Taints - Irving Goldblum rode his mare Mama (she was gray, had an overactive bladder and didnt digest oats well) onto the acreage hed just been granted. He dismounted and let Mama graze while he walked the property line. He went through a copse of scrub trees and found the flock of sheep hed bought from a neighboring rancher. The price for the sheep included fencing that crossed a small stream and left room for the sheep to forage without being able to wander off. Irv, as his friends back in Sioux City liked to call him, counted heads and was satisfied that he hadnt been shortsheeped. After surveying the flock, he realized he hadnt seen any rams. No rams? How could he prove his claim if he couldnt raise sheep and show a profit? Irv rolled up his shirtsleeves and waded in. He poked under bellies and lifted tails. There were baas of protest all around. The more he looked, the more perplexed he became. Not only was he unable to find even juvenile males, he couldnt find genitalia on *any* of the sheep. There was an anus on each of them, as well as evidence that those exits were fully functional. There was a smooth space under each anus that led to... nothing. Irv took off his hat and wiped the sweat from his brow with his cleanest sleeve. Oy! Confound it! Vey ist mir! These sheep are like no sheep Ive ever seen! How will they ever make more sheep with nothing but taints? Irv resolved to head over to the neighboring ranchers claim at daybreak and clear up the whole mishegoss. As he set up his sleeping roll and built a fire, calling Mama over to him, he muttered to himself, Nothing but taint. Taint as far as the eye can see. In the whole prairie, nothing but taint. This country! I shouldve stuck with the gynecology practice like Nana said, but no. Im up to my tuchas in taint. He fell asleep with sheep taints on his mind. If hed known all the sheep in the region hadnt gotten their taintanus shots, he wouldnt have gotten any sleep at all. Life on the prairie: taint for sissies. Irving Goldblum would need a miracle to make this work. Or maybe just a really good veterinarian. https://youtube/watch?v=AxUo781x34s
Posted on: Sat, 16 Aug 2014 01:26:40 +0000
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